When Samantha Bailie-McMurdock realised just how much value she had placed on looking young, she found herself spiralling into expensive creams, beauty treatments and anxiety about ageing. Here, she shares how an unexpected comment from her husband – and the wisdom of Proverbs 31 – reminded her where a woman’s true beauty lies.
Embarrassingly, I never realised just how much value I placed on my appearance until I caught sight of myself on a supermarket self-service checkout camera, did a double take and was immediately crushed by the blatant fact that my face didn’t look like MY face. I was ageing. How had I not noticed this?
With great consternation, I came home and Googled how to slow this (surely unnatural?) process down, and I’m ashamed to admit I succumbed to the clichéd, overpriced face creams, serums and eye balms containing a concoction of ‘age-defying’ ingredients I’d never heard of, like retinoids, peptides and ceramides. Hyaluronic acid would also solve all my problems, apparently: plumping fine lines, deeply hydrating skin and improving its texture. Solved!
Yet just a week later, I found myself in a beauty therapist’s chair having permanent upper eyeliner
I listened to the celebrity faces eulogise the wares they’d been paid handsomely to endorse; now I just needed to cover my face in them twice daily and wait for the results. Yet just a week later, I found myself in a beauty therapist’s chair having permanent upper eyeliner (more painful than any root canal) and ombré brows to draw attention away from my nasolabial folds (to be fair, it made perfect sense at the time)!
READ MORE: My thoughts as a Christian woman on Ulrika Jonsson’s bold rebuttal to ageism
Unfortunately, after just a couple of weeks, I developed retinol burn, causing burning pain and peeling skin, and the three-hour eyeliner tattoo, over two sittings, faded in less than a month. Did I stop, take a breath and reconsider? No! I began microcurrent facial therapy to stimulate collagen, lift and tone. However, I immediately became ill, suffering blinding headaches alongside dizziness and twitching skin. Desperate, and no longer feeling like me, I began researching thread lifts. Was this the answer? Was there an answer?
READ MORE: Reaching midlife as a Christian woman (avoid having a crisis and embrace saying goodbye to youth)
Closing my laptop and getting off the sofa to make a cuppa, my husband Richard walked through the kitchen and, completely unaware of these concerns, looked at me long and tenderly and said, ‘You know, I was just thinking how it’s such a pleasure watching you as you grow through the different seasons of life because you just get even more beautiful to me.’
READ MORE: Discovering ‘clean beauty’
Talk about a word in season. I immediately thought of Proverbs 31
Talk about a word in season. I immediately thought of Proverbs 31; it was never the Proverbs 31 woman’s looks that made her beautiful. In fact, the chapter dismisses external charm as fleeting and instead extols characteristics like integrity: “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies” (v10, KJV); faith: “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future” (v25, NLT); and discernment: “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (v26, ESV).
How had I become so wrapped up in the superficiality of chasing youth? When did the enemy sneak in and sully, in my mind, the attributes that truly make a woman beautiful? The Proverbs 31 husband fully trusts his wife (v11), knows that he can rely on her to bring him good and not harm (v12), and publicly praises her (vv28, 31). What more did I need?
I’m not claiming to be an example of a Proverbs 31 woman, but I do recognise the characteristics as something to aspire to. And with those kind words in season from my husband, I ditched the expensive creams and microcurrent sessions and realised there are so many things that make a woman desirable
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