In our fortnightly column ‘Great Sexpectations’ we answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us an email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything. Here, the Woman Alive team answer a married woman whose husband is suffering from depression and anxiety.
Dear Woman Alive,
My husband has gone through a tough time at work, and he has begun to suffer with anxiety. He is also depressed, and has been given meds from the doctor that he has been on for six months. We are both Christians, but he doesn’t want me to pray with him about it. I feel concerned for him, and worried my strong, kind husband has changed and won’t get better. What can I do?
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Dear Reader,
Thank you for sharing so honestly. What you are walking through is painful, confusing, and heavy, and your concern for your husband speaks of your love and faithfulness. Many Christian spouses find themselves quietly grieving when the person they love seems changed by anxiety or depression. Please know first: you are not doing anything wrong, and this season does not mean your husband is lost or beyond healing.
Anxiety and depression can deeply affect a person’s emotions, energy, and spiritual openness
Anxiety and depression can deeply affect a person’s emotions, energy, and spiritual openness. A man who once felt strong and steady may now feel ashamed, overwhelmed, or afraid of being a burden—even to God. Sometimes refusing prayer is not a rejection of faith, but a sign of exhaustion or fear that prayer will disappoint if things don’t improve.
READ MORE: ‘I am a pastor’s wife and have struggled with depression, so I decided to use social media to encourage those who also are feeling weak.’
Medication can be a gift of common grace.
Medication can be a gift of common grace. If it is helping even a little, that is not a failure of faith. Scripture reminds us that God uses many means to bring healing (Luke 10:34, 1 Timothy 5:23). When he doesn’t want to pray with you it is especially painful, but you cannot force spiritual intimacy, but you can remain spiritually faithful. Respect his boundary, even though it hurts. This builds trust rather than pressure. Pray for him privately. Many spouses carry their partner to God quietly for years, and God hears every prayer whispered in love (Psalm 56:8). You might simply say at times, “I’m praying for you, whether we pray together or not.” That keeps the door open without pushing.
READ MORE: How faith became my anchor in the storm of anxiety
What you can do:
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Stay emotionally present, not corrective. Resist the urge to fix, preach, or reassure too quickly. Often what helps most is calm presence: “I’m here. I love you. We’ll face this together.”
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Encourage continued medical and emotional support. If he is open to it, a Christian counsellor or therapist can help him process what work has done to his sense of self and worth. Depression is not just sadness, it reshapes how a person sees everything, including God.
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Grieve the change honestly, with God. You are allowed to grieve the version of your husband you miss. Take that grief to the Lord. The Psalms are full of faithful people lamenting loss while still trusting God.
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Guard your own spiritual and emotional health. You cannot carry this alone. Stay connected to trusted believers who can pray with you and for you. Even Jesus sought companionship in suffering (Matthew 26:38).
This season feels frightening because it is unfamiliar, but it is not the end of your husband’s story. Many men come through anxiety and depression with deeper humility, compassion, and faith than before. Healing is often slow and uneven, but God is not absent in the silence. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
Even if your husband cannot reach for God right now, God is still reaching for him, and he is holding you too.
If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.
Our Great Sexpectations column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel. The views expressed do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. If you have a question for us, email: womanalive@premier.org.uk
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