As Christian women, we recognise our superior makeup from our creator, but that doesn’t mean we don’t struggle to figure out how it all works! With help from Dr Becky Howie, a Christian GP, this section is a space to have some health – and specifically women’s health – demystified so that we can better understand and appreciate the bodies we inhabit.
February means one thing to many – especially if you’re seeking love – Valentine’s Day!
Here is what a quick Google search about St Valentine provided:
“St Valentine was a 3rd-century Roman priest and bishop who was martyred for his Christian faith. According to popular legends, he defied Emperor Claudius II by secretly performing marriages for soldiers, who were forbidden to wed, and was later imprisoned for his actions. While in jail, he is said to have healed the jailer’s blind daughter and sent a letter to her signed ‘from your Valentine’ before his execution on 14 February.”
Not quite the stuff of Hallmark’s secret valentines, but Valentine’s Day got me thinking: when it comes to attraction, is it all down to science or is it spiritual?
Science, faith – or both?
You may consider attraction to be a bolt from heaven or perhaps something mechanical that scientists can explain with charts and brain scans. But if you have ever felt your heart skip a beat when you catch someone’s eye, you know it’s more complex than that. Attraction raises deeper questions: Is this simply biology at work? Or is there something deeper/spiritual woven into that pull toward another person?
The good news is that faith and science don’t have to compete. In fact, when held together, they help us see the full beauty of how God made us – body, mind and spirit.
Research into attraction
Researchers have spent decades trying to understand why certain faces or voices catch our attention. Physical symmetry, clear skin and what scientists call ‘averageness’ – faces that look like the statistical average – tend to be rated as attractive because they suggest health and stability. Your brain is constantly scanning for signs of safety and vitality, even if you are not aware of it.
But one of the most intriguing areas of research is on smell. While talk of ‘human pheromones’ is often exaggerated, scientists have shown that natural body scent does play a subtle role in attraction. Chemical cues can influence how attracted you feel toward someone. It’s not as dramatic as perfume adverts suggest, but it’s there – a whisper, not a shout. (Although I recall Lynx Africa was more of a shout when I was at high school!)
Then there’s the chemistry of closeness. When you spend time with someone you like, oxytocin (the ‘bonding hormone’) and dopamine (the ‘reward chemical’) help reinforce that connection. Hugging, laughing and simply being physically near someone can strengthen feelings of attachment.
More than just biology
I don’t believe attraction is just about hormones and facial structure. We are spiritual beings too, shaped by more than just biology. So when you’re drawn to someone, the physical element matters — but it is not the whole story. Attraction can be one way God gets your attention. It can nudge you toward a relationship that can shape, grow and teach you something about sacrificial love. But spiritual discernment will help you decide whether that initial spark is worth pursuing.
Early attraction can be intoxicating but fragile; it often doesn’t last. Character is what perseveres. People consistently find kindness, generosity and emotional safety deeply attractive – sometimes even more than physical traits. It’s as though your soul recognises goodness. Yes, the first spark matters, but shared values, humility and faithfulness are what sustain love. Character turns chemistry into a long-lasting connection.
A gift from our heavenly Father
Science helps you understand how attraction works. Faith helps you understand why it matters. When you hold both together, chemistry and character, you honour the whole design God built into us.
Attraction is neither a fluke of biology nor a purely mystical experience. It is a gift that spans body and soul, a reminder that we were made for connection – and an invitation to pursue love that reflects the heart of God.
Perhaps that’s the wonder of it: attraction is one of the places where science bows in awe, and faith recognises the handiwork of the one who designed you for relationship.
What science tells us
Symmetry and ‘averageness’ often signal health – our brains notice this in a split second.
Scent matters. We subconsciously respond to natural body odours.
Oxytocin builds trust. Hugging, holding hands and caring behaviour strengthen the connection.
Kindness increases attractiveness. Studies show that caring behaviour makes people seem more physically appealing.
Possible signs of God-shaped attraction
You feel safe being yourself.
There is mutual respect and gentleness.
You grow in patience, kindness and self-control.
Friends who know you well affirm the relationship.
Peace outweighs anxiety.
Questions to consider when deciding if someone is right for you
Does this attraction draw me closer to God or distract me from him?
Do I feel peace or just excitement?
What fruit do I see in this person’s character?
Am I moving toward this relationship with wisdom or impulse?
Can this attraction grow into something that reflects Christ-like love?
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