Jenny Sanders reflects on the cultural fascination with Bridgerton and the way its portrayal of romance and desire shapes modern expectations of intimacy. Through the lens of faith, she asks whether the show’s vision of sex and relationships aligns with God’s deeper design for love, commitment and connection.
She runs in slow motion through the candle-lit ballroom. He turns, eyes smouldering as she tilts her head alluringly, following her through orangery into the moonlit garden… Yes, folks; check your Netflix account: Bridgerton is back. The seasons so far have seen four Bridgerton siblings married off while Lady Whistledown’s Society papers have kept everyone agog with gossip from the ton.
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This season, bohemian and notorious rake, Benedict, the second Bridgerton son, throws caution and etiquette to the wind when his eye falls on a young lady from below stairs. Sophie, is a housemaid and the illegitimate daughter of an earl, so strap in for the intrigue of a masked ball, and let’s see where it takes us. Or not.
In 2021 when the series began, a number of people got in a lather, less for the costumes or scenery, more for the lingering scenes of sexual passion; and, there were plenty of those. I enjoyed recognising various parts of Bath where I lived at the time and made good use of the fast-forward button.
My grandparents, married in 1931, were taught little or nothing about sex.
My grandparents, married in 1931, were taught little or nothing about sex. It was the era of ‘lie back and think of England’. I’m not sure my mother knew much more, although as a trained midwife she’d grasped the basics. My generation were taught the mechanics and physiology in biology classes, supplementing our knowledge with the problem pages of Jackie magazine (‘Dear Cathy and Clare…’).
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I’ve been married for almost forty years but, as a student, I refused to be a notch on anyone’s bedpost. I was horribly naive but, thankfully, had the foresight to realise that the least emotional baggage I took into a relationship the better. My daughters gamely put condoms on bananas as part of their curriculum, but I wish I could have taught them about consent in the eloquent and open way they will no doubt teach their daughters in years to come.
Much of the sex presented as love on our screens, as in life, is simply casual, selfish, in-the-moment-abandoned lust
Much of the sex presented as love on our screens, as in life, is simply casual, selfish, in-the-moment-abandoned lust without thought for the consequences and with whoever, whenever, wherever. It perpetuates the lie that God must be a kill-joy. Sex was created as a God-given expression of intimacy within a covenant relationship; it will not feature in heaven. By representing sex as the pinnacle of relationships we’ve been left with something less than He intended: it’s insipid, twisted and warped. Sex was created as more than an involuntary reaction to a physical stimulus, though our bodies release specific hormones when circumstances align preparing us for a union that is designed to bring pleasure, comfort, release, laughter and delight; but there’s a joining of more than just the physical. The emotional and spiritual joining of two people in marriage is a representation of the Trinitarian union of Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
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Real love shows us God’s love: a love that’s sacrificial, unconditional and faithful – what we crave, and hope to find in another human. His fierce, unchanging love is rooted in connection, vulnerability and intimacy. It’s a safe place augmented by the security of knowing beyond doubt that we’ll never be given the cold-shoulder and the certainty that it won’t falter regardless of our circumstances, faults or mistakes.
The Song of Solomon provides a vivid description of the relationship between the lover and the beloved, but also of Christ and the Church. It’s steamy stuff, but it also comes with a warning: ‘Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires’ (Song of Solomon 8:4). In other words: don’t jump the gun with sex. Don’t set yourself up for the sort of disappointment you’d get by unwrapping your Christmas presents before December 25th when there’s something so much more fulfilling if you wait.
There’s a reason God placed sex firmly within the vows and covenant promises of marriage. It needs nurturing; it’s precious, fragile, sacred and beautiful. Don’t play around with it, get burned by it, take it for granted, neglect it or allow it to be warped.
Enjoy Bridgerton if you want to, but I recommend you keep that remote button handy
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