As a teenager Lisa Marie Cavey was getting high at illegal raves while quietly carrying a childhood faith she never truly lived out. What followed was years of addiction, double living and despair — until, at her very lowest point, God met her with a mercy that changed everything.
The first time I got high on ecstasy I was 15 years old and at an illegal rave in London underneath some railway arches. I could barely stand up I was so dizzy. I sat down on the dirty ground and watched everyone dance. As the music boomed I turned my head to the man sitting next to me and asked innocently “how did they get carpet in here?” He looked at me in disbelief – “it’s not carpet”. I looked down at my palms that I had been rubbing all over the ground. They were covered in dirt. I was too high to care.
I started going to church at eight years old and invited Jesus into my heart not long after. Looking back now, I can see that wanting to follow Jesus and actually following him are two completely different things. As a teenager and for most of my twenties I was more interested in partying and living my life my way than surrendering it all for Christ. It was like I had to learn the hard way, my way was not the best way. God’s way is better. Unfortunately learning the hard way meant becoming trapped in the very lifestyle I had created for myself and not knowing how to get out.
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Although by the grace of God I somehow managed to hold down an education and a career
Although by the grace of God I somehow managed to hold down an education and a career – most of my twenties was marked by raves, all-nighters, and a consistent weekend diet that progressed from ecstasy and speed to cocaine. I occasionally went to church when I felt good enough but largely lived for the weekends and was so addicted to the highs, the music, the ‘scene’ that when I thought I had had enough and wanted to stop I couldn’t. This then led to toxic relationships, poor mental health, low self-esteem and self-worth, body dysmorphia, paranoia, living a double life and lying to myself and my family about who I really was.
The guilt, shame and anxiety started to cave in on me. By my late twenties I was suicidal. I lay on my bed and thought about ways to kill myself. I didn’t know any other way out. But then. I heard his voice. It was like a whisper at night, “Lisa, Lisa.” I knew the voice wasn’t coming from myself. I knew it was God. It wasn’t an audible voice, it was one I sensed within my spirit. Like a thought that was put there but not by me.
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Twenty years after I had first believed in Jesus and then set off on my own path did I finally come to the point of true surrender.
Twenty years after I had first believed in Jesus and then set off on my own path did I finally come to the point of true surrender. I was done. I couldn’t do this on my own anymore. I cried out to him one night through my tears with my face buried into my pillow. “Please help me God. Please rescue me”. Within two weeks of praying this prayer my whole life had turned around. It can only be explained supernaturally. It was the power of his spirit that opened my eyes and gave me power to walk away from the life I was living. In a flash I suddenly saw my life for what it was. I had constantly been in romantic relationships with drug dealers, most of my friends regularly took drugs, I spent all my spare time up the local pub, drinking or taking drugs. This lifestyle was leading me nowhere.
With Jesus’ help I walked away from it all and never looked back. Miraculously he took away the desire to ever take drugs again and I have now been clean from illegal drugs for 15 years. He has walked with me through many years of healing and other struggles, including a divorce and trying to navigate life as a single mum. But not once has he ever let me down. I am so different now I do not even recognise the girl I used to be.
Ever since I was a child my dream has been to become a writer. Slowly but surely as the Lord leads me into new levels of freedom and healing I am discovering my calling to write for him. I am currently writing my first book Raver to Praiser which goes into my story in more detail. The main message of my book is this: There is a God in heaven who loves you and has a special plan and purpose for your life. If you find yourself trapped in any situation, call out to him to come to your rescue. You have never gone too far for him to find you. He is standing at the door of your heart, waiting for you to let him in. He did it for me, and he can do it for you too.
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