Sophie Dianne shares her journey of finding peace in the midst of long-term anxiety, exploring how faith can coexist with struggle. She reveals how God’s presence has brought calm to even her most chaotic moments.
Sophie says: ‘This is a selfie I took before boarding a flight to Luxembourg, I hate flying, I chose this picture because I think its symbolic of ‘peace in chaos.’ I was terrified during the entire flight and listened to worship music to help me through.’
I’ve had an anxiety disorder for 20 years. Although I’m a Christian I can honestly say it’s been hard work juggling my mental health, with my faith. Recently, my cousin started going to church, as someone who knows me, and is starting their Christian journey, she asked, how I can believe in a loving God, that allows mental illness. My response was, “I’ve got peace amongst the chaos.”
In John 16:33, God reminded me that despite my personal troubles, he is the barer of peace and all my suffering comes from this broken world.
I’m not a sharer, talking about my emotions renders me silent and I shut down but I’m currently on an exploratory journey of healing
As Christians, we tell stories of how God healed us, or the miraculous good he has done in our lives. But we don’t spend a great deal of time, looking at what he is doing, when we are still in crisis mode, or even celebrating that. By nature I’m not a sharer, talking about my emotions renders me silent and I shut down but I’m currently on an exploratory journey of healing; it is messy but not without hope. I first met God when I was 17, since then he has helped me tear down some mental barriers, but its only in my thirties, I’ve felt confident to start opening-up.
READ MORE: ‘I suffered from anxiety for years, until God taught me how to get freedom in my forties’
In May, I attended a women’s conference and felt God’s presence upon me, during worship. Whilst singing Firm Foundation, the lyrics ‘I’ve still got joy in chaos, I’ve got peace that makes no sense,’ really resonated with me and in that moment, I knew he was telling me something. Since then I have strived to live this out, but how does that work practically?
To some Christians yoga is a controversial topic, but I’ve found an online studio, that has been vital in my search for peace. Jesus is at the heart of the Yoga Abbey’s teachings, it has given me a space to nurture my body and spirit, drawing my nervous heart back to his feet.
When I’m on my mat, I let go of the thoughts and the anxiety that engulfs me, this fellowship soothes my soul and allows me to decompress in his presence.
God made my body, so there is a freedom that only comes when I physically meditate with him. When I’m on my mat I let go of the thoughts and the anxiety that engulfs me, this fellowship soothes my soul and allows me to decompress in his presence.
READ MORE: Book Club - Say Goodbye to Anxiety
As a book worm, I’ve also found solace in reading, as it reduces my stress levels significantly. Christine Caine’s book, Unexpected spoke to me because it’s about leaving anxiety behind, and intrusive thoughts behind, in favour of embracing God. Nothing in our lives, is a surprise to him, so even amid personal upheaval, we should expect God to do good things. I volunteered for Compassion UK and Caine’s book was gifted to me, initially I was a bit confused, but as I made my way through each chapter, I knew God deliberately planted it, he wanted me to read it. It was miraculous, and I felt so blessed.
READ MORE: Tackling anxiety
My mum has always ingrained the value of faith; it’s taken me a few years to understand how that works in daily life. But I’ve realised that I need to trust God more. For its only truly knowing him, we can accept his incomprehensible ways and the miraculous things he does for us.
Through a prophetic appointment I received little snippets of my future, God declared that I am a dreamer with goals and ambitions, but I am in a season of waiting. As someone with anxiety, I was a mess, it was so disappointing, I wanted to plan and take control. Now that I’ve processed what God spoke over me, I’m practicing patience but it’s easier said than done.
Like Hannah (1Samuel ), my prayers have become an outpouring of my emotion, before I go to sleep, I spend some quiet time with God. He didn’t promise a life without hurt, or hardships, rather he promised to provide his daughters with the strength to get them through. My faith comes from persistently pursuing his love, no matter the circumstances, the world may fail me, but he will forever satisfy and bring peace in the most chaotic times, even when I feel lost.
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