GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: How do I not fall out with my family this Christmas?

Dear Woman Alive,

I have a big family, with lots of nieces and nephews whom I love. I am not married, and don’t have a high-salary job, so getting presents for everyone if often overwhelming. My siblings are well off and this is not an issue for them. As a Christian I want to be generous, but how do I balance that with wisdom with my finances? I don’t want to be a Grinch and say I can’t do presents. Any thoughts on how I can approach this, I don’t want to fall out with my family over gifts.

READ MORE: Is this the secret to a happy Christmas this year?

Dear Reader,

Oh friend, I feel the weight of that question, the love you have for your family, the desire to be generous, and the quiet pressure of wanting to “keep up” even when your circumstances are different. That’s such a tender place to stand, and you’re not being a Grinch in the slightest; you’re being honest, thoughtful, and wise.

Here’s the thing: Christian generosity was never meant to be measured in price tags.

Here’s the thing: Christian generosity was never meant to be measured in price tags. Scripture talks just as much about wisdom, stewardship, and cheerful giving as it does about generosity (2 Corinthians 9:7). God isn’t honoured by you stretching yourself into stress, debt, or resentment just so Christmas looks a certain way on the outside.

READ MORE: Leaning into Jesus when it feels hard this Christmas

A few thoughts you might find grounding:

1. Give within your grace, not someone else’s abundance.

Your siblings’ capacity isn’t the benchmark for yours. You’re allowed to name your limits without guilt. You can even decide on a simple budget, something sustainable, and let your giving flow from that. Boundaries don’t make you stingy; they make you faithful.

READ MORE: God desires more for us than burnout this Christmas

2. Consider shifting the type of gift.

Some of the most meaningful gifts aren’t expensive at all:

• A handwritten letter telling each child what you love about them

• A framed photograph

• A small handmade craft or baked treat

• A “coupon” for a movie night, a walk, or an afternoon of your attention
  Kids especially remember moments long after they forget toys.

3. You can gently suggest a family-wide rethink.

You don’t have to announce “I can’t afford gifts,” but you can float the idea of:

• A Secret Santa

• A £10 limit

• Gifts for children only

• Or agreeing to shared experiences instead
  You might be surprised how many others are relieved to simplify, too.

4. Remember that generosity is more than giving things.

Your presence, prayers, time, and love are gifts your nieces and nephews can’t get from Amazon. You are not the “aunt who gives smaller gifts”; you are the aunt who shows up — and that is priceless.

5. Live in freedom, not fear.

Christmas is about the gift of Jesus — not proving anything through spending. If you give joyfully within your means, you’re reflecting Him far more clearly than if you overspent to meet an invisible standard.

You’re already approaching this with a beautiful heart. Pray over it, set a healthy limit, and trust that the Holy Spirit will guide you into a generosity that blesses others and protects you. You’re not failing your family; you’re honouring God with your stewardship.

And truly — you don’t need to buy big to love big.

If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.

Our Great Sexpectations column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel. The views expressed do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. If you have a question for us, email: womanalive@premier.org.uk