How old is too old to have a baby?

This month we celebrate Mother’s Day, which is a deeply emotional day for many, including those who long for children, those who have lost children, and those who have lost mothers. This month, I want to spend some time talking about a common question I hear often in my consulting room. 

“Am I too old to have a baby?”

It’s one of the most common, and emotionally loaded, questions I hear from women in their mid-30s and beyond. It’s asked in GP surgeries, anxiously in fertility clinics, and late at night in online searches. For Christian women, the question can feel particularly loaded, bound up with ideas of calling, trust, surrender – and sometimes guilt. The Bible speaks often of children as a blessing, yet biology and life circumstances do not always align with expectations.

The short answer is that there is no single age at which a woman suddenly becomes ‘too old’ to have a baby. It’s very individual, and, to be honest, the longer answer sits between the statistics and the deeply personal (at times miraculous) stories. 

What the clinical statistics tell us

From a biological perspective, female fertility does decline with age. Women are born with all the eggs they will ever have, and both the number and quality of those eggs decrease over time. This decline is gradual through the early 30s and becomes steeper after around the age of 35.

In the UK and across the world, the total fertility rate (the average number of children per woman) is falling. It is now around 1.4. At the same time, motherhood is occurring later than ever. More than one in four babies in England are now born to mothers aged 35 or over, a figure that has steadily increased over the past two decades. From a clinical standpoint, the chances of conceiving naturally per menstrual cycle are, according to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, estimated to be:

around 25–30 per cent in the early 30s

closer to 15–20 per cent by the late 30s

under 10 per cent by age 40.

Miscarriage rates also rise with age, largely due to increased chromosomal abnormalities in eggs. By age 40, the risk of miscarriage is often quoted at around 40 per cent, compared with roughly 10–15 per cent in a woman’s 20s. 

Even with IVF, age matters. UK data consistently shows falling success rates with each advancing age group, particularly after the ages of 38–40. From a purely statistical viewpoint, these numbers can feel frightening if you are hoping to conceive.

But statistics describe populations, not individuals. Alongside the data sit countless real-life case studies that refuse to fit the averages. (See Katie’s story on page 18 for an example of this!)

The real-life stories

There is the woman who conceives naturally at 41 after years of singleness. Another who struggles with infertility at 29. The couple who pray for a child for a decade before welcoming one in their 40s. And the woman who never becomes a biological mother, yet pours her love into fostering, mentoring or spiritual motherhood.

As a doctor, I see how these stories can both offer hope and fuel confusion. When we hear of celebrities having babies at 45, it can distort expectations – especially when the role of donor eggs or private fertility care is not always openly discussed. At the same time, women who conceive later can feel judged or warned relentlessly, as though their bodies are ticking time bombs rather than capable, adaptable systems.

Case studies remind us of an uncomfortable truth: fertility is deeply individual. Age is important, but it is not the only factor. Overall health, genetics, reproductive history, partner fertility, lifestyle and sheer biological variation all play a role.

Scripture itself is full of fertility stories. Sarah conceived long after the age when motherhood was considered possible (Genesis 21:2). Hannah prayed through years of barrenness before God gave her a child (1 Samuel 1). Elizabeth was described as “well on in years” when she became pregnant (Luke 1). These stories are not promises that every woman will conceive later in life, but they are reminders that God is not limited by biology – even while biology remains real. 

For many women, the question “How old is too old?” is less about age and more about grief. Grief over unanswered prayers. Over relationships that didn’t lead to marriage. Over years spent being ‘faithful’ while the hoped-for future didn’t arrive.

Church communities can unintentionally deepen this pain. Well-meaning comments about ‘God’s timing’ or ‘not worrying’ can leave women feeling unseen or spiritually inadequate. The Bible, however, makes space for lament. The Psalms are full of unanswered questions, and Jesus Himself meets sorrow with compassion, not platitudes.

A better question

Rather than asking: “How old is too old to have a baby?” a more faithful and freeing question may be: “What is God inviting me into in this season, with honesty about my body, and trust in His character?”

For some women, that journey leads to later motherhood. For others, it includes fertility treatment, egg donation or adoption. For some, it leads to a different calling altogether, one no less meaningful or important.

Holding stats and stories together

Age matters, but it is not the final word. Statistics inform us while stories remind us of mystery. Faith does not deny biology, but it refuses to let numbers have the last say over hope, worth or identity.

There is no single age at which a woman becomes ‘too old’ to have a baby. There is only the deeply human, deeply spiritual reality of longing, limitation and trust, and the assurance that whatever our story looks like, God meets us in it with compassion and purpose.

Age matters – but it isn’t everything

Fertility does decline with age, particularly after 35, and honest medical facts are important. But statistics describe groups, not individuals. Many factors shape fertility, and there is no single age when motherhood suddenly becomes impossible.

Your fertility story is not a measure of your faith

The question “Am I too old?” often masks grief, longing and disappointment. Scripture shows that God meets women on many different journeys, including waiting, loss and other unexpected paths, and none of these diminishes your worth or calling.

Ask a better question

Instead of “How old is too old to have a baby?” ask: “What is God inviting me into in this season, with honesty about my body and trust in His character?” Faith holds biology and hope together without shame or fear.