In our fortnightly column ‘Great Sexpectations’ we answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us an email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything. Here, Dr Becky Howie answers someone considering egg freezing.
Dear Woman Alive,
I’m a subscriber and a while ago you published an article about egg freezing which I found fascinating. I find myself, like many women in the Church, without any options in terms of marriage material but I am currently focused on my career, so I don’t mind too much for now (I am in my early 30s). But when I investigated egg freezing, I realised how prohibitively expensive it is! I have a good job but even I can’t afford it and don’t know any single women who can. My question is, should we be so determined to produce offspring that we go to these extreme lengths? Wouldn’t God prefer our money went to more worthy causes??
Dear Reader,
This is such a great question, and I’ve spent some time mulling over my response. From the outset, I want to caveat my response by saying I am answering this as a woman who has had the privilege of having two children. I am fully aware of just how emotive the issues around fertility are, both for women in loving, stable relationships who, for whatever reason, struggle to conceive, and for those like the reader who are not yet in a relationship that they would want to bring children into but have an awareness of time passing.
READ MORE: Have I run out of time to have a baby?
Fertility is such a big topic and interesting for various reasons, data suggests fertility rates in the UK are actually decreasing.
Fertility is such a big topic and interesting for various reasons, data suggests fertility rates in the UK are actually decreasing (Office for National Statistics).
I think the first thing I want to make absolutely clear is that women’s worth on earth and in God’s kingdom is independent of whether or not they have children. We are so much more than “baby machines”; you just need to watch Handmaid’s Tale to be aware of how important it is to recognise this.
READ MORE: Childlessness isn’t just a ‘female’ thing, it cuts up men too - I and other men I know have felt each cut
I know that for many women there is a burning, unsatisfiable longing to be a mother.
I know that for many women there is a burning, unsatisfiable longing to be a mother. The question is: should that be something we take into our own hands by freezing eggs - just in case we don’t meet the right guy early enough? I can’t help but feel that this response suggests we know better than God about what we need, that we are creating an insurance policy in case God’s plan doesn’t align with ours.
READ MORE: ‘The Pope has condemned surrogacy - but I believe it deserves a second chance’
It’s really important to note that the success of a live birth from IVF after freezing eggs is 18-30%, depending on factors like the age of the mother. There is no guarantee that after spending vast amounts of money on an “insurance policy,” there will be the longed-for baby at the end of it.
Personally, I believe that if God has placed the desire to be a mother in your heart, you should trust that he will fulfil that calling. The way this motherly role manifests may differ from what you envisioned and may not involve birthing your own child, but if that calling is upon you, there will be opportunities to embrace motherhood in the future. Therefore, spending vast amounts of money creating a “just in case” insurance policy should not be undertaken, as that money could be spent in other ways.
Hold firm to the biblical truth: ”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.
Our Great Sexpectations column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel. If you have a question for us, email: womanalive@premier.org.uk
If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.
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