Kate Orson explores the painful reality that even sincere, God-seeking Christians can find themselves deceived in relationships that appear spiritually promising.
Getting married as a Christian should be simple right? Go on a few dates, receive a proposal, pray about it, get confirmation from God and live happily ever after. But what about even with your best efforts to follow God you make a mistake?
My friend Nadia met a man who was a ex. drug addict and criminal. He’d been in prison seven times, and met God while serving his seventh prison sentence. While they were dating he appeared to be born again, totally on fire for God. Yet shortly after the marriage she realised she’d made a terrible mistake.
Nadia’s husband began displaying anger and narcissistic behaviour. The final straw was when he disappeared for 24 hours and came back high on drink and drugs. It turned out that he’d only been clean for six months, not the two years he’d claimed. He’d also told other lies, such as that he was working in a Christian recovery centre when actually he had just been attending there.
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When Nadia started speaking about her experience she began to receive messages from women that have also had this happen to them. She now wants to warn others of this phenomenon.
When I first met Nadia I was struck by how on fire for the Lord she was, glowing with the Holy Spirit. She had only been a Christian a year longer than I but had been gifted with wisdom from God, and always had little nuggets of encouragement and insight to share. Despite being a Christian for only four years she was already in children’s ministry, teaching in the women’s meetings, and had asked to be part of the leadership team. Yet now she has pulled back from it all, and it’s enough just to process the trauma and get through the day.
As I talked to her about her experience, I realised that it was as if the enemy had sent her a counterfeit husband, to derail her from God’s purpose and mission.
As I talked to her about her experience, I realised that it was as if the enemy had sent her a counterfeit husband, to derail her from God’s purpose and mission. The enemy wants to steal, kill and destroy and hates those who are working for the kingdom. What can women learn from Nadia’s experience and those who’ve been deceived by these counterfeit relationships? How can you spot the counterfeit before it goes too far down the line?
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We’ve probably all been in situations where we get niggling feelings of doubt. Deep down in your spirit, you’ll sense something isn’t right. They’ll be a loss of peace, or confusion. Even if there’s a temptation to ignore any doubts, pray on them and ask God to show you.
One of the strongest signs can be that the man is leading you to focus more on him and less on God.
One of the strongest signs can be that the man is leading you to focus more on him and less on God. Now of course, if you’re swept off your feet and madly in love there may be days when you don’t pray or read your Bible. Nevertheless, if it’s more than that and the relationship is becoming an idol that leads you away from God on an ongoing basis, then that can be a sign.
The man might be a believer, but maybe he wants to entice you to sin, in certain areas of your life such as sex before marriage. Maybe you feel tempted to override your personal convictions on certain things. The relationship might feel like a constant effort. Of course all relationships need work, but if it’s like trying to walk up an escalator that’s moving down, then it may not be God’s best for you.
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One thing to bear in mind is that just because you receive ‘spiritual signs’ about the relationship doesn’t mean that’s a confirmation it’s from God. The enemy is supernatural, and can reveal truth, to attempt to gain your trust even amongst the lies. Nadia experienced coincidences and other spiritual signs including a dream of a man that looked like her future husband.
It can be tempting to rush into marriage, because with a God who can give us confirmation, why do we need time to take it slow and think logically? But, because we can be deceived, allow time to test the fruit. Anyone can say the right words, but is the fruit real or fake?
If you’re reading this and feel like you’re in a marriage that is not God ordained, then it’s important to understand this from a biblical perspective. Jesus said, ‘What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.’ (Matthew 19.6). However, in cases where there is physical and emotional abuse the abuser is abandoning the marriage and the apostle Paul wrote that when a spouse abandons the marriage the other person is free to remarry.
If you need any further support for any issues raised in this article, Always Hopeful is an organisation that supports Christian women who have experienced abuse in marriage.
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