In our fortnightly column ‘Great Sexpectations’ we answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us an email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything. Here, the Woman Alive team answer a woman who wants to know if the man she has met online is the real deal.
Dear Woman Alive,
I am 41 and have given up on dating apps many times. Recently, in a moment of hope I tried again, and was matched with a very good looking guy we’ll call Adam. We have been messaging, then whatsapping, then facetiming. We get on so well, I have never laughed so much, and we talk till late at night. He is a Christian, and is saying all the right things. He is the same age as me and was married before. He has kids with his ex wife, who he says was a narcissist. They live in another city a plane ride away. He also has an ex girlfriend who didn’t want him to leave her and he is still trying to make sure she is ok. These things may be red flags, but he seems so open and honest with me, I don’t sense he is playing games. We haven’t met in person yet, I am waiting for him to suggest it. Please help me navigate this!
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Dear Reader,
Firstly, how lovely that you’ve found someone who makes you laugh and shares your faith, that’s a wonderful place to begin. But it’s also wise that you’re pausing to seek perspective; hope and discernment can go hand in hand.
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From what you’ve shared, there are some encouraging signs: openness about his past, honesty in communication, shared faith
From what you’ve shared, there are some encouraging signs: openness about his past, honesty in communication, shared faith, but also a few gentle red flags that deserve prayerful attention. A previous marriage, children, and a recent ex can all carry emotional weight, and it’s important to see how he manages those relationships in real life, not just over messages. Sometimes people sound healed, but meeting face to face helps reveal whether their heart truly has space for something new.
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I’d encourage you to take your time and meet in person before investing more emotionally
I’d encourage you to take your time and meet in person before investing more emotionally. Ask God for wisdom, as James 1:5 reminds us he gives it generously. Pay attention not only to how Adam treats you but how he speaks of others — his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend included. Someone who can extend grace and respect, even when hurt, is showing the fruit of genuine faith.
Keep your heart open but anchored in prayer and community. Don’t walk this journey alone — talk it through with trusted Christian friends who know you well and can help you discern truth from charm. If it’s right, it will stand the test of time and gentle boundaries.
If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.
Our Great Sexpectations column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel. The views expressed do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. If you have a question for us, email: womanalive@premier.org.uk
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