The viral “6/10” dating debate is forcing many to ask what really matters in choosing a life partner. For Christians, the answer may be more challenging—and more countercultural—than it first appears.
We’ve all been at weddings where the besotted groom says that he’s the luckiest guy in the world because his beautiful bride is way out of his league. Well, it’s no surprise, because a poll for the comedy gameshow ‘Your Face or Mine’ revealed that one in three men reckon they’re punching above their weight looks-wise in their relationship, compared to just 18% of women. But have you ever been at a wedding where the groom stands up and says that he intentionally punched below his weight – that he chose to marry a six-out-of-ten girl because he thought she’d be more likely to be a doting and respectful wife in the long-term? It sounds crazy, doesn’t it? But the 6-7 dating trend is trending; perhaps it won’t be too long until this becomes a typical trope in wedding speeches.
READ MORE: Christian dating: Am I good enough?
What’s more, the idea that physical attraction is an inverse indicator of good character hit the news big-time this week when boxer David Haye said on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here: South Africa that his girlfriend has the ‘personality of a proper ugly bird’. To keep with the boxing metaphors, it was a pretty low blow. But there’s more. Haye went on to controversially say that ‘most ugly girls realise they’re not pretty enough… they’ve got to have a personality to banter and tell jokes to overlook that they’re not aesthetically amazing straight away’, in contrast to pretty girls who are typically ‘idiots’.
In other words, girls who aren’t blessed with symmetrical faces and supermodel physiques have to be more intelligent and funnier in order to have a chance in the dating scene.
READ MORE: ‘Divorce dust’ - why glitter is becoming a faith-friendly dating filter
What are we to make of the idea of settling for someone less attractive because they will have a better character?
What are we to make of the idea of settling for someone less attractive because they will have a better character? Is there really a binary choice between physical beauty and emotional availability? Or do we simply have to settle for a six-out-of-ten on both counts? I’d say it’s as nonsensical as the Gen Alpha 6–7 hand gestures that went viral last year.
True love doesn’t just look beneath the surface and admire someone’s character, it sees their physical appearance through that same lens, God has designed physical, spiritual, and emotional attraction to be intricately bound together. As the age-old adage says, ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ and God has intricately wired us to find different people attractive.
We’re drawn to people with complementary immune systems, compatible personality traits, and similar interests. A study led by Laura Germaine at Massachusetts general hospital in Boston showed that a given person might agree only half the time about whether another person’s face was attractive. Isn’t that amazing?
READ MORE: ‘We’re all about dating wisely’
As embodied souls, and like the husband in Song of Songs, we should be able to say to our spouse that they are the most beautiful person in the world to us.
As embodied souls, and like the husband in Song of Songs, we should be able to say to our spouse that they are the most beautiful person in the world to us. Instead of objectifying and fantasising about the physical beauty of those we perceive to be a ten-out-of-ten – whether that be dreaming about a colleague or watching pornography – we are to devote ourselves to and love the beauty, both inside and out, that is before us in our spouse. And for those who, like me, are single. We shouldn’t compromise on physical attraction or character out of desperation or a misplaced belief that we can trade them off against each other. Instead, as we date we should pursue butterflies from romantic attraction, a buzzing mind from stimulating conversation, and a melted heart when we see our boyfriend or girlfriend show deep compassion to the homeless person outside the restaurant, play umpteen rounds of noughts and crosses with our godchild, or simply sit with us and listen to our woes and worries.
By cultural standards, I certainly don’t score highly on the beauty front – I think I’d take a six-out-of-ten. But if I ever get married, I hope my groom says that I am the most beautiful woman in the world, not because I think a white dress and a fresh trim are going to sky-rocket my attractiveness, but rather because I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world, inside and out, to him.
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