Christian dating: Am I good enough?

I recently saw a question on Stylist magazine’s Instagram where writer Rachel Thompson asked: “I’m ready for a relationship. So why does no one want to commit?”

She went on to admit, “In dark moments my brain turns to unhelpful thoughts: even when I am the best version of myself I can be, am I still not good enough? I’m a catch, so why is dating so hard for me?”

I think many Christian women can relate to this. The comments ranged from frustration to gallows humour. “Men still think they are a catch. They’re not,” one person wrote. Another said, “The problem is men. Not you.” A third simply declared: “It is HELL.”

And while I’m now on the other side of the dating app battlefield, no longer decoding cryptic “Hey :)” messages, I hear the same weary refrain from friends. They just give a deep sigh when I ask about dating.

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Because it’s so easy to assume the problem is us. 

And in that sigh, it’s so easy to assume the problem is us. How many of us have blamed externals, our nose, our hair, our weight, as the reason we’re still single? I know I did.

In my lowest moments, I convinced myself my “strong nose” was the issue. That was until I fell off my bike on Battersea Bridge and broke my nose. After an unexpected NHS nose job, I realised something surprising: beauty is an inside job - what you feel about yourself is projected out. 

The Bible, of course, doesn’t speak directly into dating in 2026. Relationships looked very different then. So how do we hold onto faith in what can feel like a modern-day dating wilderness?

We often default to the idea of timing. God’s timing is perfect, but rarely aligned with our own. The Israelites spent 40 years in the desert, yet God was with them every step of the way. But in dating, the issue isn’t just timing. It’s control.

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If we could, many of us would fast-track the process. We’d try to gently steer things along, decoding mixed signals into clarity, inspiring emotional availability through kindness and good communication. (If only it worked like that.) But people aren’t projects.

And men, especially, are not ours to fix, convince or shepherd into readiness.

And men, especially, are not ours to fix, convince or shepherd into readiness. It’s a hard truth, but also a freeing one. We cannot control someone else’s willingness to commit. We can’t strategise our way into being chosen. As someone once told me: if you have to attract someone through control or manipulation, you’ll have to keep them that way, and that never ends well. We can’t earn clarity from someone committed to being confusing. But we can release the pressure to orchestrate outcomes.

READ MORE: Do ‘Swag Gaps’ matter in Christian dating?

We can pray, for wisdom, for discernment, even for the people we date. Because the right person won’t need convincing that you’re worth choosing. They will see you clearly and respond with intention, consistency and peace. Not perfectly, not like a rom-com, but with something far more real. There’s a deep freedom in recognising this: if someone does not choose you, it is not a reflection of your value, but a revelation of their capacity.

Or, as many of us have learned, usually after a dramatic phone call and at least one tearful voice note, it’s not rejection, it’s protection. Protection from investing in someone who cannot meet you where you are. Protection from confusing potential with promise. Protection from building a future on “maybe.”

And when you begin to see it that way, something shifts and you loosen your grip. You stop analysing every message like it’s a theological text, you breathe a little easier. As cheesy as it may sound, you remember that you are not waiting to become worthy, you already are.

Yes, dating in 2026 may still feel chaotic. You might still rewrite that text three times before sending it, but you are not alone in it. God is present. He is trustworthy. And you can trust Him not just with when, but with who. Because the right relationship won’t require you to sacrifice your peace to sustain it. And the right person won’t hesitate to recognise the gift that you are.

So instead of fixing your gaze on the problem, or blaming men, or culture, lift your eyes to God, and pay attention to what He is doing, because is it always good.