GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: “I struggle with sexual temptation — how do I resist without just feeling guilty all the time?”

Dear Woman Alive,

I struggle with sexual temptation — how do I resist without just feeling guilty all the time?

Dear Reader,

First of all, thank you for being brave enough to ask this question. You’re not alone — every Christian who’s trying to follow Jesus in a human body with human desires will face this struggle at some point. The very fact that you care about honouring God shows that your heart is in the right place.

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Let’s start with this truth: temptation is not a sin. Even Jesus was tempted (Matthew 4). Feeling temptation doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it means you’re alive, and the enemy sees something worth distracting. Guilt becomes heavy when we confuse being tempted with giving in or when we expect perfection instead of progress.

Instead of focusing only on what you’re trying to avoid, try shifting your focus toward what (and Who) you’re moving toward.

Instead of focusing only on what you’re trying to avoid, try shifting your focus toward what (and Who) you’re moving toward. The goal isn’t just to say “no” to sin — it’s to say “yes” to a deeper intimacy with God. As you grow closer to him, the hold of temptation weakens over time.

As you grow closer to him, the hold of temptation weakens over time.

READ MORE: What is the “true purpose” of marriage for Christians?

Here are a few practical and spiritual helps:

1. Bring light to it. Temptation grows in secrecy. Confide in a trusted friend, mentor, or pastor who can pray with you and check in — not to shame you, but to walk alongside you.

2. Redirect, don’t just repress. When temptation hits, do something physical that shifts your focus — take a walk, pray aloud, play music, or do something creative. It’s not about denying desire but choosing where to aim it.

3. Invite grace, not guilt. When you stumble, confess it, accept God’s forgiveness, and move forward. Romans 8:1 says, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” That means guilt isn’t your home; grace is.

4. Feed your spirit. Fill your mind with things that strengthen your connection to God — Scripture, worship, community, and purpose. Temptation loses power when your heart is full.

5. Remember your worth. You are not defined by your struggle. You’re a beloved child of God, and he isn’t disappointed in you, he’s helping you grow.

If you walk away from this with just one truth, let it be this: God’s love for you does not rise and fall with your success in resisting temptation. He’s already committed to walking you through this, step by step, without condemnation, but with compassion and strength.

If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.

Our Great Sexpectations column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel. The views expressed do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. If you have a question for us, email: womanalive@premier.org.uk