‘Jesus never forced anyone to follow him, yet his unwavering love transformed lives (Luke 22:42, Galatians 5:22–23). You can’t control your husband. But you can let the Holy Spirit shape your own heart and responses,’ says Suze Gurmeseva.
In today’s world, marriage is often seen as a personal choice driven by love, companionship, and mutual benefit seen as a contract. If a marriage no longer brings happiness, society encourages walking away. But Christian marriage is different. It is not a contract; it is a covenant. It reflects Christ’s relationship with the Church, where love is sacrificial, enduring, and redemptive (Ephesians 5:25–27).
The world’s version of marriage prioritises personal fulfilment. A biblical marriage prioritises oneness and selfless love.
READ MORE: Christian marriage is important for the Church
OK, sounds perfect, right? I’m not going to pretend I have this mastered. But I will share what I’ve learned through experience and revelation. Come with me on a journey to rediscover God’s vision for marriage.
A friend once told me, “Suze, don’t let the enemy steal from you.”
A friend once told me, “Suze, don’t let the enemy steal from you.”
She had walked through the devastation of divorce. Her husband, a pastor, had fallen into sin and ended up in prison. She believed the enemy had stolen from her. That warning echoes in my mind whenever I feel unloved, unappreciated, or discouraged.
Satan’s tactics are often subtle. In Genesis 3:6 Eve was deceived by something that looked desirable. In acting on it, she lost oneness with Adam and with God. The result? God’s purpose for marriage was fractured (Genesis 3:16).
READ MORE: This is what Jesus said about marriage and divorce
We still live with that tension today. Many women carry the weight of unmet emotional needs and relational imbalance. But here’s the good news: Jesus redeemed marriage too.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh…” originally given by God in Genesis 2:24 and reaffirmed by Jesus in Matthew 19:5–6, redeemed on the cross!
Jesus restored the original design of marriage.
Jesus restored the original design of marriage. The word for “one” in Hebrew is ECHAD the same word used to describe the oneness of the Father, Son and the Holy Spriit (John 17). That’s the kind of oneness God intended for marriage.
So how do we realign with that vision? Here are a few tips I’ve learned from Jesus’ life and ministry:
READ MORE: Why I believe marriage reflects God’s ultimate design
Jesus was fully surrendered to the Father (Luke 22:42). If we want oneness in marriage, we must surrender to God’s way, seeking our husband’s best interests, praying, and asking daily, “Lord, how can I bless him today?” This is not about losing yourself or staying silent. It’s about inviting God into your role and your responses.
1. Serve with Love, Not Obligation
Jesus came to serve and not to be served Mark (10:45). I’ve been married for 20 years and the times I’ve been happiest is when I served him freely. One day while I was preparing him breakfast I started calling him “King.” Not long after, he began calling me “My Queen.” I didn’t have to demand, it flowed from what I gave.
2. The Power of a Praying Wife
Jesus prayed daily (Luke 5:16). Every breakthrough in my marriage has come through prayer, not nagging, self-help books, or ultimatums.
Pray for his heart to be softened, wisdom in his decisions, resisting temptation. And pray for your own heart to stay aligned with God.
3. Guard Against the Enemy
Jesus was discerning (John 10:10). Don’t let the enemy steal your joy, your love, or your marriage.
When we serve without strings attached, we become living examples of Christ’s love. That kind of love is powerful, it ignites change.
4. Control What You Can
Jesus never forced anyone to follow him, yet his unwavering love transformed lives (Luke 22:42, Galatians 5:22–23). You can’t control your husband. But you can let the Holy Spirit shape your own heart and responses.
It’s never too late to move toward the oneness God intended.
If you’re in an abusive situation, please seek help. This article is not suggesting you remain where you’re unsafe. Find a godly church, wise counsel, or a support organisation.
Let’s pray:
Lord, thank You for the gift of marriage. Help us to walk in Your truth, to love selflessly, and to reflect Your heart in our homes. Where there is pain, bring healing. Where there is distance, restore connection. Strengthen us to resist the enemy’s lies and pursue oneness with humility and grace. Teach us to serve, to pray, and to surrender daily to Your will. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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