Estranged but faithful: What the Bible says about difficult parent–child relationships

Brooklyn Beckham released a statement on his Instagram stories sharing the current estranged relationship with his parents. In it he shared he felt they prioritised fame above family. In the statement, the 26-year-old says he currently has no desire to “reconcile” with his parents, Victoria and David Beckham.

But what does the Bible say about children having estranged relationships with their parents? As someone who was raised by my amazing grandmother from just a few months old, this is something that I have personally had to wrestle with and bring before the Lord. Although I wasn’t raised in the same household as my parents, I would visit and see them regularly. However, the nature of this relationship when I was younger felt more about obligation - as my grandmother would encourage me to keep in touch with them - ensuring I knew who my parents were.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve sought scriptures that speak about handling unorthodox relationships with parents.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve sought scriptures that speak about handling unorthodox relationships with parents. From this journey, I’ve found the Bible is clear that we are to have wisdom in which relationships we keep closest to us - including family. If someone is a bad role model, we shouldn’t be too proud as to think that we are strong enough to overcome their influence in our lives. 1 Corinthians 15:33 reads: “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” The reality is that parents are people too and therefore still can still negatively impact their children.

READ MORE: ‘What Victoria Beckham’s story taught me about identity in Christ’

However, though there may be parent relationships that require distance, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they cannot be in your life at all. The Bible also says we are called to be light in the darkness. Boundaries paired with prayer can help you understand how to approach and God’s vision for difficult relationships with parents.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve been challenged by the Lord to be more intentional with my parents. Now, whilst I am still not super close with them, we are closer than when I was a child and I‘m more naturally intentional with nurturing our relationship. I’ve concluded that parental relationships do not always have to equate to close relational proximity. For example, whilst other people may have a go-to relationship with their parents for advice, that isn’t possible given my parents’ position.

READ MORE: My whole family came to faith through Alpha

I’ve also discovered the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Although the call to forgive as a Christian is clear, that doesn’t always mean reconciliation is possible. Whilst God forgives our sins, it’s up to us to accept the invitation and work towards a relationship with him. In the same way with parental relationships, forgiveness requires one person (the offended party) whilst reconciliation involves both willing parties (the offender and offended) for relational closeness.

And the call to forgive isn’t because God doesn’t care about the injustices parents have done against us

And the call to forgive isn’t because God doesn’t care about the injustices parents have done against us - he does care and understands that forgiveness is a miraculous act. Christ’s sacrifice on the cross enables us to forgive the gravest sins parents may have committed against us. Within human strength alone it may be hard to forgive but the cross is a supernatural sacrifice that makes it possible. Meditating on the fact that God has forgiven us when we didn’t deserve it and rewarded us with eternal life as a result can help us.

READ MORE: GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: How do I not fall out with my family this Christmas?

Forgiveness may be a process for some people depending on the impact of the offence. When triggers arise in building my relationship with my parents, I try to bring them to God to help realign what his will is for my relationship with them. Sometimes, well-meaning Christians have thrown Ephesians 6:2-3: “Honour your father and mother”, to people like me in regards to my distance from my parents. However, it’s often assumed that relational closeness is necessary when actually some circumstances may require distance to properly preserve and honour any sort of relationship with your parents.

I think as Christians we shouldn’t automatically assume that estranged relationships equate to unforgiveness. As God’s children, he cares about our hearts too and how we can authentically serve our parents without causing unnecessary further injury. Sometimes distance may be a part of what that looks like.

I pray from Brooklyn and the Beckham family that they will be able to reconcile and forgive.