Ann Louise Graham invites us to reckon with how emerging technologies are reshaping our most intimate longings. Her reflections set the stage for a deeper look at what real, reciprocal love requires, and why that matters now more than ever.
Photo by East Meets Dress on Unsplash
Recent reports that a 32-year-old Japanese woman, known as Ms. Kano, has “married” a digital companion she created using ChatGPT should cause all of us to pause and reflect on what love means in an age dominated by artificial intelligence.
Ms. Kano reportedly turned to the chatbot for comfort and advice after the end of a three-year engagement. She is said to have customised her virtual partner, whom she calls Klaus, teaching it to be warm, supportive, and to adopt the kind of “personality” she preferred.
After hundreds of daily exchanges in which Ms. Kano said she felt listened to and understood, she “married” Klaus in a wedding hall with the help of a company that specialises in 2D character ceremonies. During the event, which is not legally recognised, Ms. Kano wore a white dress and augmented-reality glasses so she could see an illustration of her virtual partner.
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It would be easy to dismiss this event as either sad or absurd. Indeed, some psychologists are already speaking of “AI psychosis” as an emerging concern. But I cannot help thinking that, at the heart of this story, is a woman who, like all of us, longs to love and to be loved. She is a human being created by God for relationship, first with her Creator, and then with other persons made in his image, and potentially within the covenant of marriage, though we also know that some are called to singleness.
As Christians, there is much we could say about Ms Kano’s situation. Two things, however, really struck me. First, biblical relationships are reciprocal—binding two people together in mutual commitment. And second, our relationships are meant to be sanctifying, shaping us into Christlikeness through the joys and challenges of real human connection.
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Over fifty times in the New Testament we are called to a “one-another” ministry. We are urged, for example, to care for one another, bear with one another, honour one another, forgive one another, and, above all, to love one another. We might think here of Jesus’ summary of the Law: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” And, inseparably, “You shall love your neighbour as yourself.” There is no greater commandment than these (Mark 12:30–31).
Biblically, we are taught that mutual love and concern for others is the defining mark of a follower of Jesus Christ. (John 13:35) Indeed, Jesus himself is our pattern, showing us what sacrificial love looks like and calling us to follow his example.
Hopefully it is obvious that a chatbot, however intelligent, cannot reciprocate love.
Hopefully it is obvious that a chatbot, however intelligent, cannot reciprocate love. In fact, while writing this, I was relieved when ChatGPT told me that it cannot marry me, because it has no body, no self, no independent desires, and no capacity for genuine, reciprocal emotional bonds. But perhaps an even greater warning lies in the truth that it is only in our relationships with God and with other people that we are truly sanctified. Ms Kano created a companion for herself, yet it offered no accountability. How tempting it is to craft a persona that always suits us, saying only what we want to hear. It reminds me how easy it is to think of myself as a “nice Christian” when I’m alone, until I actually have to do life with my husband or navigate any close human relationship. That’s when I discover the flaws and selfishness in my own heart.
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It is often in our human relationships that we come face to face with our impatience, pride, fear, and insecurities—and, hopefully, also with our God-given generosity, kindness, and capacity to forgive.
From a biblical perspective, loving imperfect people sacrificially begins with acknowledging our own imperfections and our need for a Saviour. Marriage can become mutually sanctifying when spouses submit to one another. (Ephesians 5:21) Christian community can also challenge us spiritually, as we encourage one another and bear one another’s burdens. (Galatians 6:2) Perhaps most importantly, we are given the opportunity to grow in holiness when God grants us the grace to forgive one another. (Ephesians 4:32)
I sympathize with Ms Kano’s desire to create a “perfect” companion, but this is, ultimately, an artificial quest. As followers of Jesus, we are not only identified by our love for others, but we are also called to love sacrificially, as he did. Fortunately, this isn’t something we have to manufacture on our own. Praise be to God, it comes as we acknowledge our inability to do so and place our total dependence on the Holy Spirit.
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