Nekeisha Camille shares her journey of losing her voice to spasmodic dysphonia and discovering a deeper faith through suffering and silence. Her story explores healing, identity and the unexpected ways God can bring purpose through pain.
I cannot begin to count the number of times I have been asked, “What happened to your voice?” My answer is always the same: “I woke up like this.”
I remember going to the doctor for something completely unrelated to my voice. During the appointment, he suddenly asked, “Aren’t you worried about that?” I had noticed some changes in my speech beforehand but never thought it was something serious.
Over the following months, my voice deteriorated rapidly. There were mornings when I would wake up and struggle to form a coherent sentence without feeling as though my vocal cords were being torn apart. On my best days, my voice sounded trembly and broken, and my speech was barely recognisable. Conversations became exhausting. People struggled to understand me, and with that came a level of fear and anxiety I had never experienced.
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Even the ringing of a telephone would trigger panic. I grew used to hearing people ask, “Are you OK?” Those few words became a constant reminder that something was deeply wrong.
It was not just my voice that felt affected; it felt as though my entire future was shifting.
It was not just my voice that felt affected; it felt as though my entire future was shifting. I had completed my BSc in Psychology and hoped to pursue a clinical doctorate. At the time, I was working as a manager in supported living, but I slowly came to the painful realisation that I needed support myself. My clients struggled to understand me, and meetings became difficult because I could no longer contribute confidently. It felt as though everything I had worked towards was slipping away.
The fear I carried about the future was overwhelming. We live in a world where communication shapes almost everything, our careers, relationships and daily lives. I began to write myself off entirely.
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Eventually, I left my job and stepped away from everything I had been pursuing. I withdrew into silence because it felt beyond my control. Although I had been a baptised Christian since I was around 17 years old, it was during this painful season that I began seeking God more honestly than ever before.
In 2020, I was diagnosed with spasmodic dysphonia and laryngeal tremor, neurological conditions that affect the voice. I underwent speech and language therapy, but it did not help me. I also began receiving Botox injections into my vocal cords every few months. At one point, my consultant could not understand why the treatment was not working effectively. Rather than injecting only the front of the vocal cords, which was the normal approach, the back was also injected. The result left me unable to swallow food for several days. That experience became the moment I stopped treatment altogether.
In the silence that followed, I brought God my questions, grief and tears. It was there that I encountered the Holy Spirit in a way I never had before. My faith moved beyond routine and became something deeply personal and life-giving.
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I developed a hunger to know God more deeply, so I spent time praying, fasting and studying scripture.
I developed a hunger to know God more deeply, so I spent time praying, fasting and studying scripture. Although my physical voice had become weaker, I began to discover another kind of voice. I remember praying one day, “Lord, how can I be called when I no longer have a voice?” In my heart, I sensed him say: “I have quietened your voice so that my Spirit may speak.”
Everything I was learning during that season, I began to write down. I carried a notebook everywhere because thoughts and reflections would come throughout the day. Writing became the place where my voice could still exist, and what I once saw only as loss slowly became a place of healing.
That same year, I started my handmade business, CamieRoseUK, and discovered how creativity could bring joy not only to me, but to others as well. God was teaching me that purpose had not disappeared simply because life looked different from what I had imagined. My voice is still affected today, and there are still difficult moments. But I no longer see silence in the same way I once did. I once believed losing my voice meant losing myself. Instead, I discovered that God could still speak through me, even in weakness.
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