In the wake of recent revelations surrounding Shawn Bolz and Bethel Church, Redding, Emilia Fuller reflects on this moment through the lens of her own past experience within the church. Having previously written about the impact of spiritual and emotional harm, she now considers what accountability, repentance, and hope can look like when leadership failures are brought into the light — and how believers are called to respond.
A year ago, on this platform I wrote an article about how to work through being hurt by a church. At the time I chose to not name names, as that was not the point or heart of the article, but my community knew. In the past few weeks, the same church has been centre stage with revelations of their failings and in recent days ownership and repentance. I am talking about Bethel Church, in Redding, California and their response to prophetic speaker and author, Shawn Bolz’s behaviour.
When the news broke through a 6-hour YouTube video by American evangelical theologian, Christian apologist, and YouTube personality, Mike Winger, my phone erupted with messages sharing the link. I was honestly neither surprised nor affected by the revelations. Having experienced many years of sustained psychological, emotional and spiritual abuse in my time working at Bethel, I was curious to see what response would come from both Bethel and Bolz. If I’m honest, I didn’t expect much – as my own experience had shown me when I tried to bring things into the light, I was either gaslit, stonewalled or silenced by their culture of honour.
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We have seen two very different responses, from Bolz – a letter to his subscribers notifying them he is taking a sabbatical with no admission of guilt or ownership. And then Bethel, who by all accounts have taken full ownership and I would say are in the process of repentance, that I believe is actually genuine. This I was not expecting.
I watched their Sunday service for the first time in nearly seven years and felt hopeful.
I watched their Sunday service for the first time in nearly seven years and felt hopeful. Hopeful for change, hopeful for The Church at large. I witnessed what I believe was true accountability in the works, Leaders truly owning their failings, not merely doing so to save face. The coming months and years will testify if this change of heart and direction is true and can be trusted.
At this juncture I think as believers, how we respond to the failings and sin of leaders is just as important as their own response – or lack thereof. In Luke 6:37 Jesus instructs us “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.” I think this is an important verse to hold close in this moment, while we acknowledge our feelings of hurt, confusion, disappointment and frustration. These verses do not excuse abusive or bad behaviour but simply remind us that it’s not our job to bring others to justice.
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In my own experience there was no admittance of fault and as often is the case for victims, I was left to bear the cost and work it through by myself. Thankfully I had and have phenomenal people around me who have walked this season through with me. You can read some of the things that helped me in my previous article, but one I want to highlight here is separating God from leaders. Why is this so important? Well, if we don’t, when leaders inevitably fail us that failure will feel fatal and unchecked can harm our own relationship with God. If you can separate the two, which I highly suggest you do, there is great hope and healing to be found. Yes, you have to walk, sometimes trudge through the pain of your experience, but if you keep moving, keeping getting back on your feet, you will come out the other side. My own life is testimony to that.
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You may be thinking, there are so many revelations of leaders failing at the moment and it’s all too much.
You may be thinking, there are so many revelations of leaders failing at the moment and it’s all too much. Or you may be one of my friends who has a high justice meter – I have one of those too. In this moment I would remind you this is nothing new, and the gift of the Bible to us, is that it shows us the bigger picture; that redemption is possible for every party. God always deals with his people and there is redemption for the victim.
When we experience great hurt, betrayal and disappointment, the mention of hope can feel daunting. How can you trust it, when it’s been so seemingly misplaced before. I would challenge you to look at where you had put your hope in the first place. It’s one of the most human things to put our hope in others or even ourselves, however we are only finite and will get things wrong. The safest place to put your hope is in the One who gave it to us first, who demonstrated redemption and restoration in ways we could not come up with ourselves – Jesus. Let Jesus be the one that anchors you in this season. Draw near to him and hear the promise of the verse following the one I mentioned before – Luke 6:38 “Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
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