‘It’s clear from scripture that older women are meant to disciple younger women’

A recent report, ‘Closing the Gap? 2025 analysis of gender pay gaps in UK organisations active in global health,’ published by independent think tank Global 50/50, finds that in organisations led by women CEOs, the gender pay gap is smaller than in those led by men.

It seems that in terms of income, women do better when they have a female boss. So when it comes to church, do women fare better when discipled by other women? 

I think anecdotally we can sense how wonderful it is to receive guidance from a woman who’s had experiences like us before – whether it’s going through relationship struggles, raising children in the faith or deepening our relationship with Jesus. 

It’s clear from scripture, too, that older women are meant to disciple younger women. Paul wrote to Titus that older women should “teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled” (Titus 2:3-5, ESVUK). 

Personal experience of discipleship

I can remember a few months after I started going to church, we would gather and drink tea and coffee before the service. A woman appeared in front of me, glowing with the Holy Spirit. While I was a new believer, she’d been a Christian all her life. We became friends and she helped me understand different aspects of the faith. She was very generous with her time, and loved to receive questions from me as I was reading the Bible. Now she’s moved to Australia, but continues to be there for me.

It’s not one way; she sometimes has questions for me. As I was in the New Age for 20 years, she’ll sometimes ask my thoughts on Christians being involved in New Age practices. However, she’s older in age and maturity of walking with the Lord. 

There’s no doubt that I’ve fared better because of her, and the other Christian friends I’ve made who are closer in age to me. Proverbs 27:17 says: “iron sharpens iron” and I think that sums up a lot of these mutually beneficial discipleship relationships where we can grow in our faith, encourage each other and share knowledge. 

Recently I’ve been thinking about the structure of the Church, and how it looks so different from the early Church. I think one of the reasons my own experiences of discipleship by females have been so beneficial is they take place outside of the formal church context. At a Sunday service, there often isn’t much time for deep conversations. When we are being discipled we can go deeper into our struggles, confessing sins and sharing prayer requests. Some of my greatest spiritual insights and encouragements happen with a group of friends around the kitchen table. 

Learning how to disciple one another

There might be a temptation to read an equality report from the world, and think we need more women leaders to help women fare better, and to solve some of the issues with the Church. However, it’s worth remembering that Jesus’ kingdom is in many ways an upside-down kingdom. A church shouldn’t be aiming for worldly success, but to disciple people and helping them grow closer to God. When it comes to thinking about how the Church should be structured, we should look at the Bible rather than at surveys from the world. 

1 Timothy 2:12–14 (ESVUK) says: “I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.” There might be some benefits to having more formal teaching of women by women, but if it’s in a mixed-sex environment, then it’s not biblical. 

Another aspect of this is we do need balance. While I love talking to my female friends, I also find there are times when a male perspective is extremely helpful. When I’m struggling with something, my husband can often see it more rationally and give a simple and clear solution that I just couldn’t see for myself. Women need the company of other male believers too. 

After listening to the Woman Alive podcast episode, ‘Even Christians can be mean girls’, I’ve been reflecting on how Christians should be inclusive – not just making friends to suit our own needs and wants, but reaching out to others who might feel excluded. I’ve been blessed to have some discipleship friendships, but being a Christian can be a lonely road sometimes. We need to allow natural, organic discipleship relationships to flourish, while also including everyone. This is not an easy task, but it’s essential to help each other.