‘God is in the business of taking the hard and bringing good’

Esther Higham (EH): [Let’s start by talking about Lasting Ever (David C Cook):] you don’t shy away from the stuff that isn’t glitzy and glamorous, do you? In fact, you start the book with a low moment for you: losing your voice. How much was that a pivot moment for you?

Rebecca St James (RSJ): I feel like it was a slow pivot. I think there is a perception, if you’re in the limelight and you have glamorous pictures taken of you, that your life can look easy or great. But every person’s life has trouble: we’re promised that in the Bible: “In this world, you will have trouble” [John 16:33] and “Consider it pure joy…whenever you face trials of many kinds” [James 1:2]. [Losing my voice] was one of the harder things of my life. I recount in the book a time when I was in Europe somewhere and tried to sing and this squeak came out. I think there was just such a deep sense of my body failing me. Emotionally I know it’s very much linked to burnout. [I had to consider:] “What do I do with that?” There’s been a rebuilding of my heart and my life, and what I have to offer. Because honestly, if that hadn’t happened, I don’t know that I would have moved to California, met my husband and now have three children. All my dreams have come true in some way because of the brokenness of that moment. 

EH: Is that encouragement to not shy away from those moments, trusting that God will do something with them?

RSJ: I think that was our intent with the book, that when people close it, they go: “Oh, wow. I’ve seen that over and over God proved himself faithful and good, and that he redeemed really hard moments in their lives, and he will do that in mine.” We wanted people to take that application to their own life and, in their own story, to carry the truth that God is good, he can be trusted and that he’s in the business of bringing beauty from ashes. It’s interesting because Unsung Hero, the movie about my family that came out last year, includes a song that I wrote 14 years ago, ‘You make everything beautiful’. In essence, it’s the message of my life and my ministry right now, that God is in the business of taking the hard and bringing good. He makes everything beautiful in his time [see Ephesians 3:11], and for some things in our lives, it’s going to be in heaven that he makes them beautiful. But so much of the time on earth there’s also redemption, loveliness and good that we can see. 

EH: In your music career and your ministry you have had incredible highs: Grammy Awards, Dove Awards, global tours…But that started when you were just 13 years old. Did it feel too young at the time? 

RSJ: I think even then, I knew how dependent I was on Jesus. I remember that tour with Carmen at 13; opening for him. I remember the first show, just literally getting on my face and begging God to give me the strength to go out there. It helped me to depend on him. In some ways, that solidified my relationship with Jesus, because I felt my desperation for him. We now have kids that are eleven, six and four, and so looking at our daughter and thinking: “She is a kid, so young”, and I was just two years older has given me a grasp on how young I was. 

There was just such a deep sense of my body failing me

EH: Of course, you had good company. You are the eldest of seven children, all creative, and your brothers have gone on to form For King and Country.  

RSJ: We were very much a normal family. We’ve been able to, for the most part, as adults, affirm each other in our lanes. And there’s definitely a crossover. Multiple of my brothers used to work with me in ministry on the road, and I honestly think that’s a lot of how I survived: having family involved. I think working with family is probably messy, but I think, for the most part, we’ve tried, imperfectly, to cheer each other on as adults.

EH: Yes, and your latest album, Kingdom Come features a lot of collaborations with For King and Country doesn’t it?

RJS: I remember when my brother Joel came to me [Joel and Luke are in For King and Country]. He said: “Why don’t we write a song together?” I tore up, because it was just that sense of advocacy and kindness of them within the busy, crazy of their lives. It really touched me that he would be willing to sow into what I was up to. When you have a brother that asks to collaborate, that’s a compliment.

EH: Another part of your early career was being quite a prominent ambassador for ‘True Love Waits’ and other purity movements in the early 1990s. Recently there’s been a bit of a theme of people looking back on that period and noting it did some damage, and caused shame in some people. How do you feel about that looking back? 

RSJ: I think it’s important to share both sides of people’s experience with that movement. Countless people were very positively impacted. I meet people at my shows who go: “That was so formative for me. I waited for my spouse. I’m thankful that I did. We’re now teaching our children about the importance of honouring God in relationships.” But I also know there are a lot of people who did feel like that was damaging, and I can’t argue with that. I would say in most of those situations legalism was involved, where it was more: “Obey the rules, and you’re going to get a very happy marriage, and everything’s going to be perfect.” I think it was that ideology, rather than “God’s way is the best. He created us. He asked us to live in holiness in every area of our lives, not just in sexuality. So honour him out of love and out of pursuit of what is right and true and good and beautiful and honouring your future spouse.” For me, it was about relationship with God, and it was about acknowledging the beauty of his way. It was a lovely thing for me. 

All my dreams have come true in some way because of the brokenness of that moment

EH: You talk about how being a mum was really your first ambition, but you did have to wait for it. It came later than you imagined, so how did you deal with the disappointments?

RSJ: Even though we’d married later in life (I was 33), and knew the clock was ticking, I still wanted a couple years of just my husband and I, to establish our marriage. I was the oldest of seven. Loved that. And then went into music and had great responsibility very young. I think I needed just a couple of years of no one relying on me. I fell pregnant really fast, almost as soon as we started trying. I was probably 35 when I got pregnant, and 36 when I had our oldest. That was easy; my pregnancy was great. And then I had secondary infertility. So it was the surprise of: “Wait a second, we already did this.” It was years of trying and years of disappointment and heartache. So again, I think it’s down to trusting the heart of God. Is he good, even when my plans for my life are not working out how I thought they would in my timing? I’m still learning about that, how to surrender my plans and say: “Not my will, but yours be done.”

EH: There is an idea that women can have it all: a career, ministry, be a mum, be a wife. From your experience, can we?

RSJ: I think we have to be really wise about that. I think we can have parts of it all, but not all of it all. We can’t live this full vocational life without there being a cost on our family. We can’t live ‘all in’ on family life and then excel in our vocational life. What I’m learning in this season is capacity. All of us have a certain amount of capacity. We have limits. I think that’s why God instituted Sabbaths and resting. Even though he is limitless in his capacity, he modelled that rest. And so we have to figure out: “What is my priority? What is the highest good – what do I want people to say about me at the end of my life?” I want to be known as a great wife. I want to be known to my children as a great mom who was available to them, that I was present and that they really knew how loved they were by me. It takes a lot of wisdom to navigate those different hats. I do feel overwhelmed sometimes with the juggle of it all. 

EH: And who helps keep you grounded or spiritually connected in the midst of all that?

RSJ: I think my own pursuit of God daily, whether it’s reading the Bible or a devotional book, or just kneeling to pray before the beginning of the day: “Lord, be with me today, guide me, give me strength.” Praying before an interview. I think those things are valuable. I get out into nature. I see God’s glorious world, and I feel so connected to him. Being in church – honestly, that’s a huge one. And then as an extension of that Christian community I have community within our own little family. We home school, so we try to have family devotions, maybe once a week – or a couple times a week if we’re having a good week. I have mentors, too, who are helping me to be reminded of what really matters and what the focus points should be, and then have that feedback from people who are like-minded, who want to honour God with their lives. 

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