Understanding Attachment Theory shifted my perspective on Bible passages

A few years ago, I decided to seek transformation through “renewal of the mind”. Increasingly aware that my mind was an almost constant whir of anxious thoughts, I set about exploring what was going on and how I could change things for the better. My journey led me to greater clarity, confidence and contentment in who God had created me to be. It also instilled in me a desire to help others achieve the same through life coaching. However, an additional, unexpected result was the gradual shift I experienced in my perspective of certain Bible passages. Let me explain.

Having qualified as a Transformational Life Coach, I became hungry to know more about the mind and how to gain better emotional wellbeing. Early on in my journey, I’d discovered Attachment Theory and had consumed huge quantities of content on this topic, to better understand myself and how to become more secure. During these largely online travels, I found videos from counsellor and author Thais Gibson to be particularly insightful. So, when Thais launched a coaching training programme months later, I saw God had been directing my steps. I now had an opportunity to train underneath somebody who had essentially become a mentor to me, subsequently enabling me to become a more effective help to others. So, I undertook Gibson’s Integrated Attachment Theory (IAT) certification, building upon my earlier coaching training.

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What I learned is that Attachment Theory (established by psychiatrist John Bowlby and developed further by psychologist Mary Ainsworth) considers the need and impact of the relationship a child has with their primary caregiver. 

What I learned is that Attachment Theory (established by psychiatrist John Bowlby and developed further by psychologist Mary Ainsworth) considers the need and impact of the relationship a child has with their primary caregiver. Depending on the quality of this relationship, individuals develop one of four attachment styles, which impact their capacity to trust, their sense of self-esteem and their experience of social interactions.

A healthy, strong bond between child and primary caregiver provides an individual with a secure base for exploration and comfort, leading to a secure attachment within relationships going forward. By contrast, inconsistent or less healthy bonds lead to one of three insecure attachment styles – Anxious, Dismissive Avoidant and Fearful Avoidant. Individuals within each of these attachment groups tend to share common emotional wounds and to adopt similar relationship strategies (mostly subconsciously) designed to ensure they feel safe and loved.

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The Secure individual tends to be more self-confident, autonomous and comfortable in close relationships. The Anxious can, as the name suggests, feel anxiety within close relationships, tending towards over-investment and looking for self-worth. Contrastingly, the Dismissive Avoidant is usually heavily self-reliant and resistant to emotionally intimate relationships. While the Fearful Avoidant can oscillate between the two, with individuals craving intimacy yet equally fearing it.

I learnt through my training that attachment styles impact perspective. 

I learnt through my training that attachment styles impact perspective. With insecurities, arising from core wounds, comes negative thinking that colours our experience of ourselves, others and circumstances. Thankfully, it’s possible to heal these wounds and to shift the faulty thinking that comes with them. IAT coaching, for example, offers tangible tools for becoming secure, through exploring core wounds, emotions, needs, behavioural coping mechanisms, boundaries, expectations within relationships and communication patterns.

My own experience of this saw me develop greater self-awareness, self-confidence, clarity of thought and a calmer mind. Unexpectedly, it also led to my perspective shifting on certain Bible passages, as mentioned earlier. You see, if we have a core wound like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m unloved” then this narrative will interfere with our reading of the Bible.

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The story of the bleeding woman in Mark 5 is one example that stands out for me. For many years, I felt sorry for the “afraid and trembling” woman, when Jesus called her out and didn’t let her scurry away unnoticed after being physically healed. As my core wounds healed though, I found myself taking a different view of this story. It became clear to me that, far from unnecessarily drawing attention to this poor woman and this miracle, Jesus chooses to pause existing commitments to offer further healing. He cares to call this woman out from obscurity; showing empathy by allowing her to share her story; and speaking over her compassionately.

Having known God’s hand in my own emotional healing, I now see this story as a beautiful example of how God cares not only for our physical health but also our emotional wellbeing. Jesus heals the woman’s bleeding and then speaks to her human-imposed identity as outcast, calling her into intimate relationship through the word “Daughter”. Jesus also recognises the hurt and shame that she’s experienced through years of rejection and isolation, because her sickness had made her unclean within Jewish circles. Jesus heals her emotional wounds; acknowledges her faith; blesses her with peace in the place of fearful exclusion; and publicly declares biblical truth contrasting to her wounds. She is good enough. She is loved as God’s precious daughter.