In our fortnightly column ‘Real Talk’ we answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us an email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything.
Dear Woman Alive,
I feel called to grow in my career and earn well, but I also want to be a wife and mother one day. Does prioritising my career now mean I’m not embracing God’s design for women?
Dear Reader
“God’s design for women” is an interesting phrase and will mean different things to different women. My short answer to your question is No, because God’s design for women is not a one-size-fits-all. You feel the Lord has called you to a potentially high-earning career, and I personally don’t believe you have to choose between either career or marriage/motherhood. In the Kingdom, it doesn’t have to be ‘either/or’; it can be ‘and’. I won’t pretend it’s always easy, though, but it is possible.
READ MORE: Motherhood took away my career identity—But God gave me something better
There will always be those who say God’s design for women culminates in motherhood and that wives should remain at home.
There will always be those who say God’s design for women culminates in motherhood and that wives should remain at home. My husband reminded me of a female speaker who came to our church many years ago, proclaiming: “Women should remain in the home to look after the children and mind the house, and if their husbands aren’t earning enough money… get them to get another job!” Our pastor laughed nervously then put his head in his hands while the congregation gasped.
READ MORE: Power and obedience - Fola Komolafe MBE talks about following God’s grace through her career as a female business leader.
The stay-at-home mum (SAHM) isn’t the only model for women alluded to in Scripture.
The stay-at-home mum (SAHM) isn’t the only model for women alluded to in Scripture. We also have the ‘original Superwoman’ – the ‘Proverbs 31 Woman’ – who had children AND businesses to take care of and excelled at both. She also had help, a network around her and a supportive husband. I wasn’t always a fan of Proverbs 31 Woman. I felt inferior and inadequate whenever I compared myself to her, but when I understood the season she was in – and, more importantly, the season I was in – my perspective shifted completely.
God has called you to your career, but it would be wise to discern how long He wants you in that career. Although I’m a strong believer that you can have both, He may call you to step back when children arrive. But He may not, so it’s important to discern His timing. The sons of Issachar understood their times and knew what to do (1 Chronicles 12:32), so know what God’s timing is for you, as it won’t always be the same as for those around you. Our ‘clocks’ may tick at different speeds.
READ MORE: God told me to give up my career
If it’s a career you can leave and return to, are you building enough structures to facilitate your return? If you are a business owner or entrepreneur, are you creating systems that can continue to earn (semi-)passively for you while you take time off? God may be calling you to create wealth in your career now, so that you have the financial foundation to give you and your future husband choices later.
Proverbs 18:22 tells us that ‘a man who finds a wife finds a good thing’. If your desire is to embrace being a wife and mother one day, are you allowing yourself to ‘be found’ by your future husband or are you so focused on your career there is no time for play? It’s important to make time for socialising if you don’t already.
Finally, don’t allow FOMO about your future to rob you of your faithfulness in your present calling. ‘Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart’ (Psalm 37:4). You’ll recognise the change in season when it comes, and when it does, you’ll know it’s time for you to move (Habakkuk 2:3).
Don’t feel that you’re behind, or outside of God’s plan for you. Steward your current season well and allow God to direct your path.
If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.
Our Real Talk column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel. The views expressed do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. If you have a question for us, email: womanalive@premier.org.uk
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