Rhiannon Goulding reflects on the unexpected friendships that can grow out of the ordinary encounters of everyday life – from the school gate to the doorstep. Could the people we pass each day be the very people God has placed in our path for a reason?
My favourite podcast at the moment has a simple premise: a man sits on a park bench and talks to a stranger. He asks them about their hopes and dreams, and the most important question of the podcast is: ‘What’s your favourite day of the week?’ It’s fascinating. I love listening to people talk about their lives. In this week’s episode, it was a parcel delivery driver. He took his job seriously – not just delivering packages, but keeping an eye on people in the neighbourhood, especially the elderly. He talked about taking milk to one of the older people who couldn’t get out of the house to go to the shops, and he spoke about some stories that made him laugh and situations that broke his heart.
By doing his ordinary job, he was being a true neighbour to the people he met. Some people didn’t even make eye contact when they opened the door – they just took their parcel and closed the door in his face. Other people lingered to have a brief conversation. He’d been doing the same round for five years and had gradually built up relationships with people he knew only from encounters on their doorsteps.
This got me thinking about our lives as parents. As our children grow, the routines of our lives change – and, of course, if we have more than one child, often those routines go in cycles. Maybe we walk (or drive) one child to school for several years, waiting at the school gate and encountering the mums and dads of other children in their class. Maybe that child starts walking to school on their own – but then a younger child starts school, and for us the pattern returns.
And it’s the same with all the other parenting activities: not just school runs, but taking them to swimming lessons, standing on the touchline at football matches, delivering them to birthday parties or standing around in a noisy soft-play centre or ball pool. It’s just everyday life. How many people do we have conversations with? Do we make eye contact, exchange a smile, comment on a child and generally look friendly and approachable – the things that open up into a short chat and sometimes develop into a relationship?
Some of my best friends are people I’ve met by chance while waiting for a club to finish, by joining the Parent-Teacher Association, or by inviting them round for a quick coffee or a play date.
Some of my best friends are people I’ve met by chance while waiting for a club to finish, by joining the Parent-Teacher Association, or by inviting them round for a quick coffee or a play date. There was one occasion when I was chatting with a group of my friends at the school gate, and I invited them round for some food and a chat that Friday evening. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted another mum standing on her own nearby. She must have heard us, so I said, ‘Would you like to come along, too?’ We found out that she lived quite close to me, so she said she’d walk round on the Friday.
During the week, one by one, my friends had to pull out – it was the autumn term and the children were going down with coughs and colds – so we decided to cancel. I hadn’t seen the other new mum again, and I didn’t have her phone number to tell her, but I wasn’t really expecting her to turn up.
I’d invited people for seven o’clock, and on Friday, as expected, no one arrived. So at half-past seven I went upstairs, changed into my pyjamas and curled up with a cup of tea in front of the TV. Sure enough, then there was a knock on the door. I opened it, and there was the mum I’d met in the playground, holding a plate of nicely cut melon for everyone to share. She looked quite scared when she saw me in my pyjamas, but I just burst out laughing.
It could have been embarrassing, but I invited her in, explained what had happened, and we sat on the sofa together, drinking tea and eating melon. I got her name and phone number, and we have been good friends ever since. We often talk about how God brought us together that night. We had a really deep and meaningful discussion that wouldn’t have happened if there had been half a dozen others there. Without that, I don’t think we’d be the friends that we are today.
The autumn term is a time of change for anyone with family in the education system
The autumn term is a time of change for anyone with family in the education system. Children move into new classes or new schools and enter a new stage of life. People move around, our timetables can change quite dramatically, and suddenly we’re standing on a different side of the playground, seeing new faces. Are we ready to make eye contact and extend the hand of friendship to everyone we meet? Which of them might be the person God has chosen to be a friend to us?
As Christians, we have the precious gift of friendship with Jesus, and we understand the importance of fellowship to our spiritual health: ‘Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up.’ (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). We hear a lot about the isolation of modern society. Taking the time to make a friendly connection and investing in relationships can be the antidote to the fractured and lonely society around us.
September is the perfect time to make those ordinary connections into purposeful ones. Spend a few minutes longer collecting that parcel; smile at the person in the waiting room; chat at the school gate, and take a bit of time to notice the quiet people on the edge of the group. So, rather than asking, ‘What’s your favourite day of the week?’, I wonder what question you could ask someone today to start an open, fun and potentially life-changing conversation?
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