Heartbreak can be excruciating, but as Christians we have God, who soothes and comforts. Here author of Notes On Love, Lauren Windle, shares some things that may help you if you’re trying to mend a broken heart.
There will be people reading this for whom the fact that they are still unmarried after years of hope and prayer, is the single greatest disappointment of their life. There will be people who feel weary. Who feel disappointed. Who don’t know where God is in this anymore and who don’t know how many more rejections they can take. People who don’t understand why they’re always somebody’s friend and not their love interest.
They wonder if they’re ugly. Maybe they’re not clever enough. Not funny enough. Could it be that they’re too boring or too nice, or maybe they’re just fat. Maybe they don’t fit into the typical Christian girl thing. Maybe they’re too loud, too opinionated, too much, too hard to love? Or maybe they don’t fit the typical Christian guy thing. Maybe they don’t have abs, maybe they’re short, maybe they stumble on their words or don’t have the confidence to approach women like other men do.
Maybe they feel like giving up hope. Maybe they know God is good but they just don’t feel it anymore. Maybe they feel unheard and unacknowledged and unanswered.
God is like a midwife; he doesn’t remove the pain, but he stays with you through it, a safe pair of hands offering support and care.
If that’s you I’m so sorry. I desperately want to be able to tell you it’s all ok and it’s over and you’ll never feel that way again. I would love to just fix it, but I can’t. Dating is a risk. It is vulnerable and painful. You can put sensible boundaries in place to “guard your heart” but you cannot avoid the fact that you will have to put your feelings on the line in order to date.
But we are fortunate, because within that grief we have hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13). We walk with God the great comforter. I just heard a mini-sermon by KXC leader Pete Hughes where he explained that many think their faith will be like an epidural – a numbing injection that completely anaesthetises them from pain. But actually God is more like a midwife; he doesn’t remove the pain, but he stays with you through it, a safe pair of hands offering support and care.
It’s hard to hear but God won’t numb out the pain of a break-up, but I certainly wouldn’t want to go through it without his guiding hands.
Don’t ask God to take you out of the agony, ask him to join you in it.
That said – you don’t need to pretend with God that you’re not in pain. The Psalms are an incredible example of crying out to God, while still acknowledging his goodness. Lament is very much your friend. Don’t ask God to take you out of the agony, ask him to join you in it.
Next there are some lies you must challenge. Firstly – you’re not running out of time. God doesn’t run out of time. In the Bible he led people to do incredible things way earlier in life than was expected by society, and had some people start their ministry in their 80s. There’s no set timeline, it’s not too late.
Second – you’re not too fat/short/boring/stupid to be lovable. The fact that you haven’t found the right connection yet doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of it. If you look in the mirror and speak those things over yourself, you must stop! Or at least every time you feel yourself thinking it, challenge it. Take the thought captive and speak truth over it. You are incredible and have so much to offer a partner, don’t let the lies of the enemy drag you down.
God is listening and he cares about you. And you don’t need to feel those things for them to be true.
When all’s said and done, God is good, whether you feel it or not. He loves you, whether you feel it or not right now. He is listening and he cares about you. And you don’t need to feel those things for them to be true. But you will be able to handle life on life’s terms far better and live to the fullest regardless of the stage you’re in – if you can get that knowledge to sink from your head to your heart.