If you think there’s no hope, please read this first

I get it, you’re exhausted. You feel as if you burn through hope with every new day and the shame is suffocating.   Everywhere you look there seem to be more battles, more pain and you don’t feel up to the challenge.  

You feel isolated. You cannot even begin to put words to these feelings and you’re scared to try, dreading being thought of as a burden, weak or ‘too much’. Whether you’ve been feeling this way for days, weeks, months or even years, I understand that sharing the depths of the darkness is a risk you’re not sure you can take. I can’t tell you that I know exactly how you feel, no-one can. But I can say that I’ve felt the hopelessness, fear and exhaustion. I can say you are not alone. 

Not just because I’ve lived with thoughts of suicide for decades, but because the Bible shows us that despair isn’t something that needs to be locked away in hearts and minds; it can be shared with the God of all hope.  

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That might sound glib, like I’m saying it’s easy - it isn’t. But we have a God who invites us to share our despair. A God who doesn’t expect us to put on a brave face in prayer and pretend we aren’t in pain.  

And facing thoughts of suicide is not a sin, a sign of failing faith or a character flaw. It’s a sign of a world far from Eden, where life sometimes deals us cruel blows we cannot easily recover from.  

One of my favourite passages in scripture is found in 1 Kings 19. It features Elijah, the hero of the faith, who is swept up to heaven and gets to stand next to the Transfigured Christ in the Promised Land.  

And yet in the middle of his story we read that amid his exhaustion from battling Ahab, he ran away and begged God to let him die.  

“Take my life, Lord”, he said. 

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I wonder if you’ve ever uttered a similar prayer and wondered how it’s received by God? This story of Elijah shows us that in our desperation, God is gentle and kind. 

When Elijah collapses in exhaustion, God doesn’t reprimand him for lacking in faith or punish his despair. God ministers to him in the most beautiful way. First, by allowing him to sleep, to rest his body and mind after adrenaline-filled days and nights. Then he sends an angel to give him food and water, a reminder that our minds and our bodies are not separate entities, but fully connected creations. Right in the middle of this passage is this beautiful moment where the angel says to Elijah: ‘The journey is too much for you”.  

Isn’t that what we all need to hear when life is hard? That we aren’t being wimps for feeling weak - it just really is that difficult!? Alongside the food, water and rest, we see that this angel gives Elijah the time he needs to recover and process all that has gone before him.  

I believe that these are gifts God gives us today, through our friends, families or church communities. But to do it we have to be honest about what hurts. That might be to a trusted friend, a pastor - but it might also need to be to a doctor or support worker so that you can receive help to keep you safe you regain your strength and hope. One of the greatest gifts my friends have given me in times when I’ve despaired or grappled with thoughts of suicide is to lend me their hope. To accept that it’s beyond me and allow me to rest, knowing that they hope for me and hold me before God when I cannot bring myself.  

So hold on. Let us hope for you and know that you are being held, that you are beloved and created by the God who sees you and is waiting to hear your prayer.  

If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.