For 18 years, writer Karen Hackman and her husband barely talked about money – and behind the appearance of a comfortable life, their debts were mounting. She shares how bringing God into their finances transformed not only the way they handled money, but their marriage too.
Photo by Mathieu Stern on Unsplash
My husband and I didn’t talk about money for 18 years, and it showed. Our finances were a mess. On the outside, it looked like everything was fine – new car, holidays to Europe – but in reality, we both had credit cards that we weren’t disclosing to one another.
When we tried to talk about money, it always ended in an argument. So, after a while, we avoided talking about our finances altogether. Although we had a joint bank account, we were in the overdraft by the 10th of every month, and the debt on the credit cards was just building up.
Even though we had marriage prep classes, marriage mentors and a financial adviser, no one told us how to budget or to spend less than we earned. It’s all common sense now, but at the time we thought everything would work out on its own. Spoiler alert – it didn’t!
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The change came about when God showed me a video on YouTube whilst I was scrolling
The change came about when God showed me a video on YouTube whilst I was scrolling. The guy was a Christian, and he was talking about the Bible verse: “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender” (Proverbs 22:7). He talked about how couples should be talking about money and spending less than they earned. It made such sense. I must have watched it about three times and then played it loud in the lounge so that my husband could hear!
Over the next few years, I learnt how – and how not – to talk to my husband about money.
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This is where I learnt that we had two money stories, something that hadn’t occurred to me before. We both came from two different families, both of which had different ways of dealing with money. So, when we were able to talk about this, it helped us to understand where we both came from and our attitudes to money.
When we first sat down to talk about money, we prayed first. It was amazing how the atmosphere changed when we brought God into the conversation. We knew that we were going to have to share some uncomfortable truths about our credit cards, so starting with prayer was a great way to start. After that, we were able to talk about money more easily. I still had to remember not to go into the role of adult, and that wasn’t always easy, but I learnt!
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We started having money meetings around payday, praying first and then putting the numbers into a simple spreadsheet.
We started having money meetings around payday, praying first and then putting the numbers into a simple spreadsheet. You can see the numbers clearly, and you need to look at your credit card and bank statements, which is great for fraud prevention. We were also able to dream about our future and create money goals. We were able to clear debt, build an emergency fund and save up for a trip to Disney World, Florida.
One of the things we did was create a WHY. So, when we knew we wanted to go to Disney, we printed off A4 pieces of paper with WHY written in the middle and pictures of Disney surrounding it. This was displayed around the house, and when friends came to visit, it was a great conversation starter! Although we didn’t talk about money for 18 years, I’m so glad that we do now! It’s not just a game changer for your finances, but for your marriage too.
Here are some things that I wish I could tell my younger self: Be sure to talk about money before you get married. Explore each other’s money stories and have a good understanding of their attitude to money. Sit down every month and look at what’s coming in and going out. Start saving for those things that you know are coming: Christmas, holidays, school uniform. That way, you don’t have to go into debt. Build an emergency fund. Start with what you can every month. It’s amazing how it soon builds up. Dream big! What do you want to do? Pay off the mortgage? Holiday of a lifetime? Make a plan – after all, a goal without a plan is just a dream!
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