In our fortnightly column ‘Great Sexpectations’ the Woman Alive panel answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us a confidential email on firstname.lastname@example.org and ask us anything. Here, we answer a question on abortion.
Dear Woman Alive
This feels like an impossible situation. A young girl in church has confided in me that she’s pregnant but she wants an abortion. She’s actually 20 so not that young but it feels very young to me. She is with her boyfriend (the father) but they’re not married and she’s still studying. She says it was an accident.
I don’t agree with abortion but she seems so set on it. I’ve talked her through other options but she won’t budge. She’s asked me to go with her to the clinic. I want to be there for her as she doesn’t have a good relationship with her parents but I don’t know if I can go with her to do this. How do I love her well?
What a difficult situation, but how amazing she has you to confide in. Before I respond as to whether or not you should go to the clinic with her, I think while there is still a chance for a change of heart, loving her well is letting her know the reality of abortion, and abortions aftermath.
You may have done all this already, but if not here are some thoughts:
- Abortion ends a baby’s life by metal tools that cut and crush or pills that suffocate and starve. At 10 weeks the baby has a heartbeat, arms and legs, fingers and toes, but its bones are still weak and fragile. Once complete it cannot be undone. Years after abortion, many people still find it too painful to talk about. Whilst it’s tempting to see abortion as the solution, the reality is it’s an irreversible decision that I believe she will regret.
- It would be good to try to locate what the precise reason is that she’s being tempted to abort - is it fear of what people think, or because of her studies / life situation? Satan will sow all sorts of fears and lies - and our hearts can be tempted to idolise something so much we’d sacrifice a child for it, which is of course against God’s will. Can you get to the root and then offer to pray with her for God’s truth to be clear.
Abortion ends a baby’s life by metal tools that cut and crush or pills that suffocate and starve.
If she is still adamant she still wants to go ahead, personally I think it is important not to accompany her to the abortion clinic. If possible meet with her somewhere else and walk her through the facts in HOPE Pregnancy . It would not be loving to enable or support her in the act of abortion - though of course if she does go down this route, you would continue to show her love and not judgement, and help pray for her healing and repentance.
Read more on pregnancy
I have been in a similar situation. A friend, a married mother of two, confided in me that she was pregnant again and was overwhelmed, not feeling she could cope with another child. She had been to the GP to discuss having an abortion, which, as a Christian was something she never thought she would do. She was desperate and felt it was her only way out.
Thankfully, I was able to connect her to a mother who was in a similar situation when she found she was pregnant with her fourth child. She did not abort, and that child is now in his twenties, and the joy of her life. My friend spoke with her, voicing all her fears, and thankfully did not go through with the abortion. He child is now three years old and also a blessing and joy to the family.
I will pray for you and this girl, that your love and influence will lead to her finding another way, and that this child would be granted life, and grow to be a blessing to her and her family.
Our Great Sexpectations column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel. If you have a question for us, email: email@example.com