In our fortnightly column ‘Great Sexpectations’ we answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us an email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything. Here, Rhiannon Goulding answers a mother wanting to know how to support her son.
Dear Woman Alive,
Our son is eleven and has just told us that he thinks he is same sex attracted and that he doesn’t want to go to church anymore. My husband didn’t say anything when he told us, but he looked angry, and I was worried about what he would do or say. He hasn’t done anything since then, but he has refused to talk about it with me. I want our son to know that he is still loved and cherished, but I honestly don’t know how to address this. We’ve always believed that same-sex attraction is not God’s way, and a sin, but now that it’s my child I just feel so confused.
Dear Reader,
Thank you so much for writing. Your letter will resonate with so many other families, parents and grandparents. You’re not alone, and just by reaching out, you’ve taken a courageous first step on what I know can feel like a confusing and emotional journey.
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In many ways, your story mirrors mine. When our child came out, I was accepting straight away, but my husband needed more time. He loves theology and wanted to understand every side of the conversation, so he read widely, listened deeply, and asked thoughtful questions before coming to a fully affirming place. But even while he was still processing things himself, he never stopped loving, supporting, and showing care for our child. That’s something I’ve really come to appreciate, we were both on a journey, but we chose to walk it together, and to keep our child close through it all.
It’s clear that your child felt safe enough to share something deeply personal
It’s clear that your child felt safe enough to share something deeply personal, and that’s a huge testament to your relationship with them. That kind of openness doesn’t happen by accident. They trusted you with something that matters, and that’s a beautiful foundation to build on.
It’s also worth saying that many young people carry a deep sense of shame around their identity, often long before they ever say a word. So for your child to tell you this took real courage, and it shows how much they value your love and trust.
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You mentioned that they no longer want to go to church, and I completely understand that. Many LGBTQ+ people feel afraid or unwelcome in Christian spaces. They worry about judgement, rejection, or being misunderstood, and sadly, those fears are often rooted in real experiences. So if your child is hesitant, know that they’re not rejecting God, but protecting themselves. There are churches out there, including online spaces, where they would be welcomed, loved, and affirmed. One example is the Open Table Network, which creates inclusive Christian communities across the UK. It’s something we’ve become part of alongside our regular church.
When my child first came out, I was scared too
When my child first came out, I was scared too, not of them, but of how the church and wider family might react. My biggest prayer was that nothing would get in the way of their relationship with Jesus. I wanted to walk with them and support their faith and their future. And God has met us in ways I couldn’t have imagined. What started in fear has become one of the greatest journeys of love and grace I’ve ever experienced. Because of my child, I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside others in the LGBTQ+ community and telling them how deeply God loves them.
READ MORE: Is there a biblical basis to acknowledge a difference between sex and gender?
One of the most helpful things I did early on was join the Diverse Church Parents group. It’s a safe, supportive online space where Christian parents can ask honest questions, find resources, and share the highs and lows of the journey. Through that I found the Fruitful conference in London, which is another amazing place of encouragement. Once you find one of these spaces, others begin to open up too.
When communication is tricky, small things still matter. I used to send my children texts reminding them I loved them, that they were made in God’s image, and that I believed he had a plan for their lives. Sometimes I’d leave a note on their bed or put something encouraging around the house. It doesn’t always have to be a deep conversation, just showing up in love makes a difference.
You asked how to address all of this, I’d say: with patience, love, and gentleness. Let your child know you’re still learning, and that your love for them isn’t conditional. If they don’t want to talk right now, that’s okay. It took three years before my child could have a full, open conversation with me, but every text and every hug built a bridge.
God doesn’t make mistakes. Your child is created in his image, wonderfully and uniquely, and loved beyond measure. You’re doing an incredible job by walking this path with them, even when it feels uncertain. Be patient with yourself, too. You don’t have to have all the answers, just a heart that’s open.
Our Great Sexpectations column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel. If you have a question for us, email: womanalive@premier.org.uk
If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.
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