GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: I don’t fancy my husband and I don’t know what to do

In our fortnightly column ‘Great Sexpectations’ the Woman Alive panel answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us a confidential email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything. Here, we tackle; what to do when you don’t fancy your husband.

Dear Woman Alive Panel, 

I’ve been struggling and surely can’t be alone in this - I simply don’t fancy my husband. I know most people get married because they fancy each other. And I fancied him a bit. But only a bit. The reality is that churches are full of gorgeous single women and just a handful of single men - who are often not that attractive and are able to take their pick of women much more attractive than themselves, meaning that they often have poor attitudes too.

I suppose that when he asked me it seemed like a good idea. I didn’t have any other options within the church. I hoped that when we had a sexual relationship this might change, but it didn’t. We are still together, and plan always to be. He is kind and I love him. I know he really fancies me, but I can’t make myself feel the same. I’m sure others must be in this position. It’s not a sexuality thing - I’ve really fancied and had great sexual chemistry with men in the past, although not all Christians. It is just him. I love him and want us both to be happy, but sex and physical intimacy with him is just a turnoff to me.