Good Hang with Amy Poehler: A gentle reminder that what we say behind backs truly matters

I am a big fan of American comedian and actress, Amy Poehler, so when I heard she had a  new podcast Good Hang, I listened to some episodes. Before Amy interviews a guest she takes time to speak with a friend of theirs, simply to “speak well of them behind their back.” She wants to find out some of the great things their friends say about them. In a culture so quick with critique, gossip, or tearing people down, Amy is modeling something refreshingly different. As a Christian and a fan, I am convicted and inspired: we should be known as people who only speak well behind others’ backs.

I have been thinking about the words we say recently, as both Psalm 17 and 1 Peter have come up in my Bible reading.

Psalm 17 pleads for purity of speech among other things.

Psalm 17 pleads for purity of speech among other things. It’s a prayer of David asking God to show him his steadfast love, and part of his petition is for God to “keep me from the hands of the wicked” and to preserve him from people who speak lies. Though its main focus is safety and justice, it reminds us that speech—what we say, how we say it—matters deeply. We are never merely innocents when we let harmful words loose.

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1 Peter (especially 1 Peter 3:10–11) quotes Psalm 34:12–16: “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it.” That is a call to active love. Not just “don’t gossip,” but “seek peace,” “do good.” And speaking well of someone behind their backs? That feels like a piece of that pursuit.

So often, we hear warnings: don’t slander, don’t lie, don’t gossip. 

So often, we hear warnings: don’t slander, don’t lie, don’t gossip. Those are important. But speaking well? That is a proactive, beautiful act. And Psalm 17’s cry for God’s justice also shows a longing that truth, including truthful love, be spoken, even when the person isn’t there to hear it.

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How can we practically live this out? Amy’s podcast gives us a concrete model. Here are a few ways Christians can imitate this kind of “speaking well”:

1. Pause before speaking negatively. When someone frustrates you or does something disappointing, before sharing with others, pause. Ask: will this build, or will this break? Will this reflect love or bitterness?

2. Speak beneath the radar. Instead of public shaming or gossip, consider privately uplifting someone. Share with their friends positive traits—especially things those people may not even know are appreciated.

3. Choose gratitude. Make it habitual to note the good in people, small acts, virtues, kindnesses, and voice them, even when they don’t “deserve” acknowledgment at that moment. Sometimes, people do amazing things precisely because we can’t see them; praise them anyway.

4. Guard your circle. Surround yourself with people who also value kindness in speech. When discussions turn toward criticism or tearing someone down, gently steer them toward speaking well, or refusing to participate.

5. Pray for your tongue. Psalm 17 reminds us that we don’t live by sheer will alone: we need God’s help. Ask him to guard your speech, to steer your heart away from bitterness, envy, or pride, these often feed the negative talk.

READ MORE: When gossip is disguised as prayer

Even though Amy Poehler is likely not speaking from a Christian faith framework (at least publicly), I want to celebrate her for this innovation. Good Hang is more than just a fun podcast, it’s leading the way in kindness, in showing that one of the most radical things you can do today is speak well of others, even behind their back.

We Christians, too, are called to this. Let’s not only refrain from evil speech and deceit, as Psalm 17 and 1 Peter instruct, but let us be people who build up, celebrate, speak well. When we do, we reflect something of God’s heart: love that is patient, speech that is gracious (Colossians 4:6), kindness that redeems.

So here’s to Amy Poehler and Good Hang. May it encourage all of us, Christians and non-Christians alike, to choose words that heal over hurt, uplift over undermine, celebrate over criticize. Because we can be known as people who only speak well behind others’ backs. And that kind of reputation, of love, truth, grace, is one worth having.