When actress Aubrey Plaza spoke of her grief after the tragic death of her husband, her words resonated with raw honesty. Jemimah Wright reflects on Plaza’s story, her quiet Catholic roots, and the hope Jesus offers to all who mourn.
I first came across Aubrey Plaza in Parks and Recreation, (a very funny sitcom, which I highly recommend!) where she played the brilliantly awkward April Ludgate with deadpan delivery and off-beat charm.
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Off-screen, she shared her life with writer and director Jeff Baena. The couple met in 2011, collaborating on several indie films before quietly marrying in 2021. But tragically, on January 3rd 2025, Jeff Baena died by suicide at just 47 years old. Although it is reported they had separated a few months before, Aubrey has spoken with deep love and grief about his death.
This week, in a conversation on Amy Poehler’s podcast Good Hang, Plaza described her mourning as “a giant ocean of awfulness.”
I listened to a recent conversation on Amy Poehler’s podcast Good Hang, where Aubrey described her mourning as “a giant ocean of awfulness.” She likened it to a deep gorge lined with cliffs and filled with monsters, an image she borrowed from a recent horror film to convey how relentless grief feels. “Overall, I’m here and I’m functioning… I think I’m OK,” she said. “But it’s a daily struggle.” Some days she wants to face the grief head-on; other days she wants to run from it. Yet, as she admitted, the ocean remains.
Aubrey hasn’t spoken publicly about her faith in this season of loss. What we do know is that she grew up in a Catholic home and attended an Ursuline school (a Catholic school founded or run by the Ursuline Sisters, a Roman Catholic religious order established in 1535 by Saint Angela Merici in Italy). In interviews over the years, she has occasionally referenced that upbringing, sometimes with wry humour, sometimes with fondness, but as far as I know she hasn’t shared whether those roots have become a source of strength during her grief.
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What she has been open about is the comfort of friendship. In the wake of Jeff Baena’s death, Aubrey described leaning on those closest to her. Their presence, their laughter, and even their willingness to sit in silence have carried her through the darkest moments.
Listening to Aubrey speak with such honesty, I was reminded of how unpredictable grief can be.
Listening to Aubrey speak with such honesty, I was reminded of how unpredictable grief can be. Her image of a “giant ocean” captures what so many who mourn experience: an immensity of sorrow that feels impossible to cross.
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But as Christians, I believe we have a deeper hope. The Bible tells us that Jesus himself wept at the tomb of his friend Lazarus. He doesn’t dismiss our tears or demand that we “be strong.” Instead, he draws near to those who grieve, promising comfort and the assurance that death is not the end. In Revelation we are told that God will one day “wipe every tear from their eyes,” and in John’s Gospel, Jesus declares, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die.”
For Aubrey Plaza, grief may indeed feel like an ocean of awfulness, may it draw her to the One who loves her. For anyone walking a similar path, the Christian hope is this: we do not face the waves alone. Jesus meets us on the water, holding us steady, and promises that one day the storm will cease.
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