Mary Aliga reflects on the gift of God-given friendship, urging us to “ask the Lord to give friends from his hand and offer your hand to the friends he gives.” Her words inspire us to seek and nurture faith-filled relationships that shape and strengthen us.
A confession: For years, I was someone people liked, but I just didn’t have my people, and it was painful. There’s a quote that says “I’m now living the blessings I used to pray for”. Well, that’s me with friendships…
When I was a fairly new flailing Christian, someone I’d admired from afar invited me round for a cup of tea. She was about 15 years older than me. We spoke of much, actually, it was more a case of she spoke and I listened. She was animated, knowledgeable and without judgement.
Although we didn’t spend much time together, I quickly realised she was reliable, a person I could turn to with my many questions. Once I said to her “you’re a sort of mentor to me aren’t you?” but she came back saying “I’d rather stick to the title ‘friend’” which completely sums it up.
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I once asked “why did you pick me?” Because, that’s how it felt - like she had chosen me. I won’t share her response, but it was encouraging. She’s not always encouraging though - sometimes she says tough things. However, knowing it comes from a place of love, it’s an easier pill to swallow.
Since then, I’ve been blessed with a couple more close friendships I delight in and thank God for daily. Each is very different but equally rewarding.
Younger women, you’ll benefit from someone older with life experience to talk to.
Younger women, you’ll benefit from someone older with life experience to talk to. Much as we like to think we can get all our answers online, we just can’t. Why not tap into their wisdom? It’s my prayer they’ll have the courage to share - and you’ll see the riches, love, encouragement, teaching and fellowship they can offer.
READ MORE: I’m forever grateful to the woman who saved my marriage - I think we all need a mentor
Search out a friend like the woman in Titus 2. Look for obedience and knowledge from a life well lived. Study their character; who they are and who they are becoming. If you’re willing, there are women out there who will be available for you; let them pour godliness and goodness into you. Remember the woman in Proverbs 31? In verse 26 we hear how she speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction. What a blessing. Who wouldn’t want that?!
Older ladies, help her lift her eyes from herself to focus on Jesus.
Older ladies, help her lift her eyes from herself to focus on Jesus. If not you, who? You know we can be discipled online these days - we can land on all manner of influencers who may mean well but it’s just not the same as living in community - real people who haven’t been edited, are unscripted and without an agenda.
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If you’ve ever had this kind of friendship, count yourself blessed. If you haven’t, perhaps you could think about being the woman you wish had been there for you? Many are desperate for a role model to guide them how to faithfully walk the journey of life and faith. Let us generously invest our time in others. Be brave and confident to teach her. Share of yourself, your scars, your blessings, your regrets. Share examples of where you’ve struggled, been obedient, offered forgiveness, or whatever it is you have to offer; it has immense value.
Whichever side you’re coming from, be encouraged to take the initiative. Reach out, don’t wait to be chosen. If you want a mentor, go ask them a question, take their feedback on board and report back. Keep at it and don’t be put off. Hopefully they will speak gentle truth into your life and with time it will help shape you.
A favourite quote says “if you see anything lacking in me, and you love me, teach me”. Eventually it starts to work both ways and it’s fantastic! We all need help, guidance, prayer, nurturing… let’s pour in to each other to help build and maintain strong marriages, homes and churches. Remember that iron sharpens iron and I’m confident you’re going to end up with at least one new friend who you wouldn’t be without (and you’ll most likely do her a world of good too).
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