As Loneliness Awareness Week (15–21 June) shines a spotlight on the growing number of people struggling with isolation, writer Tabby Kibugi reflects on a quieter form of loneliness that often goes unnoticed. As friends marry, start families and move into new seasons of life, she shares what God is teaching her about friendship, belonging and trusting His timing while navigating life as a single woman approaching 30.
I’ll admit, I’ve often had a hard time creating solid friendships. Throughout my twenties, I became used to forming friendships depending on the stage I was at in life, such as school, workplaces, or during my travelling escapades. They would eventually fade away once that period of my life ended. I imagined that by the time I reached my late twenties, any form of loneliness I experienced as a result of a lack of close friends would disappear as I found stability in my career, became more financially independent, and developed my own sense of community.
In a way, that did happen, as I became fortunate enough to form a few close-knit friendships that were no longer tied to the season of life I was in. Over the years, these friends have become consistent enough to show up for family celebrations, graduations, and even during difficult seasons.
READ MORE: Letter to the Next Generation: Friendship can be messy and fragile but Jesus at the centre makes it stronger
But as I approach 30, I’m now at that stage of life where most of these friends are married, raising children, or navigating responsibilities that leave less room for the friendships that once formed the centre of our lives. Nearly every other weekend, I’m attending a wedding or contributing to a baby shower. It’s also that age where arranging a simple catch-up with friends takes months of planning. I’m currently planning a meet-up with friends that has taken nearly four months to happen due to family responsibilities pushing it back.
Don’t get me wrong, I am genuinely happy for them and glad to see them living the lives they prayed for.
Don’t get me wrong, I am genuinely happy for them and glad to see them living the lives they prayed for. But at the same time, I’ve found myself grappling with a different kind of loneliness. It’s not that these friendships have ended. Rather, it’s the realisation that you’re slowly outgrowing friendships where all it used to take was a spontaneous phone call to hang out. My days now consist of work, home, chores, occasional hobbies, checking whether the friend who moved away after getting married might be available for a meet-up, which, in many cases, rarely happens, and then repeating the same routine.
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There are moments when it feels like everyone around me is moving into the next chapter of life through marriage and starting a family, while I’m still learning to trust God with the chapter I’m currently in. That chapter has also included letting go of relationships with partners because we weren’t compatible.
I’ve also found myself wrestling with comparison whenever I see engagement announcements, wedding photos, or pregnancy announcements on social media. But I’ve realised that this feeling of loneliness is not unique to me. Recent research found that nearly half (49 per cent) of young women in the UK report feeling lonely some or all of the time, compared to 29 per cent of the general population.
During this season, God has been teaching me that loneliness isn’t evidence that something is inherently wrong or a feeling to be ashamed of.
During this season, God has been teaching me that loneliness isn’t evidence that something is inherently wrong or a feeling to be ashamed of. Sometimes, it’s simply a season and an invitation to trust Him more deeply, build Christian community more intentionally, and rethink what belonging looks like as you grow older.
READ MORE: What I’ve learnt about friendship from 12 years at the school gate and how the Bible helps
And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’ve started saying yes to opportunities where I can meet people outside of my usual circles, being more open to conversations with people at church, attending fellowships with other congregants, and simply being more intentional about nurturing the relationships God has already placed around me. I also have to accept the fact that forming friendships may no longer happen the way it did when I was in my twenties.
Deuteronomy 31:8 has taken on a deeper meaning for me during this season: “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” For years, I read that verse as a reminder that God would be with me during difficult seasons. However, I’m learning that it also applies to the season I’m in, where friendships no longer look the way I imagined. It serves as a reminder to lean on God while trusting that my life is unfolding exactly as it should.
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