Sophie Sanders unpacks the viral “wildflowering” dating trend and explains why what looks like a beautiful new approach to love may actually be setting a generation up for confusion, disappointment and heartbreak.
For me, whimsical wildflowers are romance personified – think heirloom roses, cornflowers, sweet peas, rambling wisteria, and baby’s breath, intertwined with foxgloves, lavender, and delphiniums. You get my drift.
In my hypothetical dream wedding, I will walk down an aisle with a loose, unstructured bouquet that will look just-picked from a meadow of such flowers – I can almost hear my wedding bells ringing. So, you’ll understand that, on first reading, the headline-hitting wildflowering dating trend sounded achingly appealing. Not least because, as the age-old adage goes, ‘love is like wildflowers; it’s often found in the most unlikely place’.
But words can be deceptive, can’t they. The more I read, the more I realised – in the words of Taylor Swift – that it was a nightmare dressed like a daydream.
In case you’ve not come across wildflowering, the latest trend taking over TikTok, it encourages singles to ditch socially-accepted labels and timelines and to let love bloom organically at a slower, more authentic pace
In case you’ve not come across wildflowering, the latest trend taking over TikTok, it encourages singles to ditch socially-accepted labels and timelines and to let love bloom organically at a slower, more authentic pace – if, indeed, it ever does. It was coined by the dating app Bumble last year, after research found that nearly two in three singles felt more flirty in the springtime. Put simply, it’s casual dating repackaged: a rejection of the artificiality of online dating, a refusal to conform to the strictures of being boyfriend and girlfriend, a pursuit of spontaneity, all tempered with an open-mindedness that moves away from long shopping lists of necessary traits for a future partner.
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Without sounding dramatic, I think it might be one of the most destructive narratives of our age.
Without sounding dramatic, I think it might be one of the most destructive narratives of our age. Dating without labels can lead to singles feeling confused about where they stand, encouraging vending-machine intimacy that’s quick access, low commitment, and consumption-oriented. Put simply, it sets people up for heartbreak and disappointment because, even if a relationship doesn’t have labels, there is still vulnerability, the vast potential for mismatched emotions, and an open door for hurt and heartbreak. In the words of C S Lewis, ‘there is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.’
READ MORE: What I’ve learned in 10+ years of Christian dating apps
As a society, we idolise this lack of attachment, heralding a new era where personal satisfaction calls the shots and where sex can be untethered from our emotions and souls. But whilst casual kisses and hookups might feel free and carefree in the moment, they always cause personal and collateral damage because we’ve been created with soft, woundable hearts. Sex always leaves an imprint – fact – and so brief attachments with a plethora of different partners leave you feeling empty, unable to trust, and less able to experience intimacy.
The more I’ve reflected, the more I realise that I have believed the lie that wildflowering will satisfy. Time and time again, I’ve let feelings blossom in my mind without labels, only to set myself up for disappointment and heartbreak. Because from experience, even if you’ve not slept with someone, feelings from situationships, fleeting moments of shared connection, relationships, or even unrequited love can linger in your mind for days, months, or – if I’m candidly honest – years. There really is no such thing as no-strings-attached-romance. Reader, as uncomfortable as it might be to hear, this isn’t an out-there problem in the world, this is an in-here problem in the hearts of each one of us.
READ MORE: ‘We’re all about dating wisely’
The words of Saint Augustine speak to me at this moment – ‘you have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you’. My prayer for myself, and for you, reader, is that as our restless hearts chase after satisfaction in the guys around us, we’ll be reminded that we were made for deep, lasting connection with our Creator. And that, if we’re blessed with a spouse, that it’s that kind of love we’re made for – an intentionally nurtured and cultivated love founded on clarity and communication.
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