How to prepare your children for a world that isn’t a fairy tale

We all want our children to feel safe and happy. We decorate their bedrooms with Paddington and Paw Patrol. Every bedtime story ends ‘happily ever after’. We want them to grow up secure and confident, in preparation for the time when they have to encounter ‘the real world’. But, at some point in their growing up, they have to understand that life doesn’t always follow a happy script and that tales suitable for children don’t tell the whole story.

Disney films make life look charming: woodland creatures sing in chorus, and every complication of the plot resolves in an hour and a half. But my son found out that this isn’t quite true, and he did it the hard way. On a walk in the park, he saw a cute, fluffy squirrel. He thought it looked lonely and needed a hug and a cuddle. The squirrel jumped, bit him on the arm and hung there while he screamed. After a few shakes, the terrified squirrel ran off, leaving my poor child in shock. The squirrel didn’t thank him for his kindness, and there was no bursting into song as the woodland creatures came out of the woods. Disney and reality collided, and reality won.

The stories our children are hearing

Without even realising it, friends, family and social media are shaping what our children think life should look like. If the stories they absorb all have neat endings and perfect moments, they may grow up expecting life to feel easy, relationships to always be kind, and happiness to come without cost. When reality doesn’t match that picture, it can leave them confused, disappointed – perhaps even questioning their own worth.

Social media only amplifies this. It offers a carefully edited version of life where homes are always tidy, families always smiling, and roles are clearly defined and beautifully performed. Even the scary and growing ‘tradwife’ trend can present a polished picture of submission and service that looks gentle and fulfilling, but often skips over the complexity, the sacrifice and the need for mutual respect and strength. At its worst, it can quietly suggest that a woman’s value lies in how well she pleases, how much she gives or how small she makes herself. And that is not a picture of healthy love. It risks shaping expectations where control is normalised, voices are silenced and imbalance is dressed up as beauty. The danger is not just that it’s unrealistic, but that it can quietly shape what our children come to accept as normal. 

If our daughters believe they must always please, always agree or always put themselves last to be loved, they may struggle to recognise unhealthy relationships. If our sons grow up expecting perfection, control or performance, they may not learn what it means to love with humility, kindness and sacrifice.

Counteracting unhealthy expectations 

The question isn’t just what our children are seeing. It’s what they are learning to expect. Because what we expect shapes what we accept. How can we counteract these influences – without the trauma of the psychological equivalent of a squirrel bite?

Jesus promised us something different: not a Disney ending, but His presence in trouble. Not the money to purchase every fad that comes our way, but the deep sense of fulfilment that comes from shaping our lives according to His will. Most of us have stories to tell about times in our lives when things turned out so differently from what we had hoped or expected, when we had a shock diagnosis or a job turned sour, and we were left struggling to hold on to hope, faith and sanity. But that was when we realised that God really is a rock, a safe refuge and a source of joy and peace – even when a good outcome from our situation looked most unlikely.

If we could keep our children (even when they’re grown up, they’re still our children) safe from anything bad happening, we would. But we know we can’t. They’ll get their hearts broken. They’ll find out that even though they were raised in love and honesty, there are other people who will lie and cheat. Not everyone is kind and thoughtful. And sometimes all we can do is be ready with a hug, tissues and a hot meal.

However, if our kids have watched us, and our Christian friends, going about our lives in faith and steadfast hope, and being honest about what we’re experiencing and feeling, they should have some grounding in how people cope with the hard times.

Sharing the love of Jesus 

Last week I was helping at a women’s day at church, when a man wandered in at the back, looking upset. I explained that this was a meeting for women, but he was welcome to stay if he wanted to, and offered him a coffee. He stayed. We had lunch all prepared, so I gave him a plate of food, and he ate it so fast. He listened to the speaker, and started crying. I took him aside and assured him he could stay as long as he liked. 

As I made up a couple of bags of food for him to take away with him, he started talking. He’d just been released from a holding cell at the police station, and he knew that when his case came to court, it would be dealt with quite severely. The future didn’t look good.

Friends, family and social media are shaping what our children think life should look like

“I’ll be honest with you,” he said. “I was planning to go out on the rob tonight, to get money for food and the electric. I know it’s not the right thing to do, but I didn’t have anything. And then I came in here, and you’ve fed me, you’ve made me welcome. I was looking for God. I think He might’ve found me.” I tried to keep my face neutral, but I’ve never been taught the correct response for “I was going out on the rob”, so I just smiled.

I don’t know if he’ll come back – I told him he was welcome. But it wasn’t a nice, tidy bit of ‘evangelism’. He wasn’t clean and smart; he wasn’t exploring the idea of faith. He didn’t have an entire conversion experience on the spot. He was just a man who was in a bad place, who had done some pretty bad things, who needed food and acceptance – and we offered it to him.

The Bible says: “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). I was able to tell him that Jesus is waiting for him – however long it takes.

My family have grown up seeing things like that happen. They know that not everyone is a Disney story in the making. Often there are no heroes, and you never find out the ending. But they have seen us trying honestly to share the love of Jesus, and they know that faith isn’t pretending life is perfect – it’s trusting the One who has overcome.