Every moment counts with our children

I once read that by the time your child turns 18, you will have already had 92 per cent of the time they’ll ever spend living under your roof.

That statistic stunned me. It made me think less about the ‘big’ events – expensive trips, days out, staged photo opportunities – and more about the everyday. When they’re adults, my children may not remember all the farms and zoos we visited, but they will remember laughing round the tea table, singing and dancing in the kitchen, cosy bedtime stories, silly car conversations, and the secure sense of love that filled our home.

I can have a tendency to over-plan, always thinking of the next thing, but I’ve learned that what counts is noticing and cherishing the moment that is now, the activity that’s right in front of us. Church life has offered us lots of opportunities to do things together, and the children have always been enthusiastic about working with us on projects or preparing for events. 

Serving together

When our daughter was eleven, we were preparing for an Activate weekend away. Together, we made 200 little soaps as gifts for the women who were attending. We had a lot of fun making and wrapping something special, and she learned about the joys of working as a team and of giving. 

Just the other day one of my children (who often struggles and finds coming to church a bit difficult) gave up his afternoon to help me put out tables and arrange the candles, lights and greenery for a craft night we had coming up. It made me smile, as my kids are the best people to do things with, and they see and feel the benefit of working together to make other people feel welcomed.

One Christmas Day, we all helped at the community lunch (where people who would otherwise spend Christmas alone came together to have a Christmas lunch with music and little gifts). They still remember that as one of their best-ever Christmases!

What they were absorbing in all these activities was double-sided. They learned about essential aspects of the Christian life: caring for others, giving freely of your time and energy, generosity of spirit. But they also gained that heart-warming feeling of being part of a community where everyone shared the same values, and everyone was working together for a common aim.

Getting involved as a family has given us a lot of fun, and a lot of happy shared memories. It has also been a part of the children’s growth as individuals, as they learn from our example. On occasion, when there has been someone we know who’s been unwell or low, we’ve made up a little gift basket of cheering items for them. Nothing expensive: a magazine, a sachet of good drinking chocolate, some bath oil. Now my children do the same thing when one of their friends is feeling down. It’s a way of saying to someone that you love and support them, even when you can’t do much to help.

Developing empathy 

Family team work does something else as well: it develops empathy. A little while ago we were starting a new venture at church – a community cook-along. The aim was to welcome new people and help them get to know others through a shared activity. It started off well, until the heat from the mini cookers set off the fire alarms!

I could see there was no actual fire, but I must admit I was panicking a bit as I got the hall evacuated, counting children out of the doors and calling one of the church members to come and turn off the alarms. I wondered: “Have I made a terrible mistake in trying to do something like this?”  

Then my adult son came over to me. He smiled and said quietly: “Relax, Mum, you’ve got this.” I took a deep breath, put on my biggest smile (definitely faking calm) and carried on. Eventually the noise stopped, the food was cooked and we all sat down together to eat. It was great. 

Family team work is fun – and it develops empathy

However, I was fully aware of that moment when the tables had turned: when my child was the one supporting, comforting me and cheering me on to do something difficult. He had learned how to do that through all the mini-moments when the family had supported him in something he wanted to do. He knew what to say and when to say it. And I was so glad to have him there.

Stewarding our time well

Time is a gift from God, and we need to be good stewards of that time, just as much as we try to steward our money well. Psalm 90:12 says: “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” How can we make good use of our time with our children? Especially when we can be exhausted by the sheer busyness of family life, and the repetition of our daily ‘to do’ lists. But simply by valuing our time with our children, and drawing them into the everyday tasks that fill our days, we can reap immense blessings. “Making the most of every opportunity”(Ephesians 5:16) by being intentional about how we spend time as a family enables us to make the most of the time God gives us. 

Creating lasting memories in both work and play times, and modelling a life that is always turned towards Christ, can teach our children more than any amount of earnest preaching.