Finding God in the ‘radical middle’

“I think it’s so frustrating when things are made to be binary,” Rachel Hughes shares, acknowledging the complexities of our humanity and the beautiful, dynamic ways in which God works. “It’s rarely just this or that…often there are two – or more – things happening at once.” Be it joy and hardship coexisting, or feeling both compelled and resistant at the same time, or witnessing abuse and grace unfold simultaneously, Rachel sees God at work. He is present in the “radical middle”, as she calls it, enabling all our experiences to flourish in their season, for the sake of his kingdom.

The baby and the bathwater

Rachel was raised in an empowering environment, with parents who took a very can-do approach to life, encouraging her to pursue the things that made her feel alive, and enabling her love of acting and dream of becoming a TV presenter. Her parents also exposed her to Holy Spirit-filled places from a young age, through church and the early days of New Wine. “I remember some of the first New Wines,” she recalls, “the presence of God in the room was…wow…there were literally bodies scattered everywhere, overcome by the Spirit.” Rachel couldn’t help but believe in the power and presence of God, who was vibrant and active in her day-to-day existence. 

New Wine youth (which became Soul Survivor) was especially significant in shaping and nurturing Rachel’s faith as a teenager. “I am walking with Jesus today because of those experiences,” she emphasises, repeating this again and adding, “that needs to be said.” For context, Soul Survivor – which at its height was the biggest Christian youth movement in the UK – was led by Mike Pilavachi, whose leadership was called into disrepute in 2023, resulting in him being barred from ministry and stripped of his MBE. Rachel acknowledges with sorrow the impact of the spiritual abuse that occurred, and the damage that Mike left in his wake, but she also doesn’t want to “throw the baby out with the bathwater”.

Someone can be abusive, but also facilitate many, many people encountering God at the same time

“We encountered God through Mike’s leadership and were profoundly shaped through his teaching,” she shares earnestly, referring to both her own and her husband Tim’s experiences of Soul Survivor when they attended the camps together as teenagers. “That’s the uncomfortable bit which some people, understandably, find hard to acknowledge; that someone can be abusive, but also facilitate many, many people encountering God at the same time. The two can coexist.” Rachel looks back and sees the grace of God at work through, and in spite of, human weaknesses and failures. She cannot deny that she met God in those spaces.

Faith on the shelf

While Rachel is enthusiastic about her encounters with the Holy Spirit as a teenager, she recognises that what she lacked was real discipleship. She left home in 1997 to study theatre and television at York University, with a passion for God but none of the tools she needed to keep walking with him. “I made a ton of bad choices, especially in the area of sex and relationships. I really put my faith on the shelf.” 

A crossroads moment after university presented Rachel with an opportunity to turn her life around and fully orient herself towards God again, drawing close to him in both passion and obedience. What helped was the loving, intentional discipleship of housemates in Manchester where she worked as a dancer for a Christian pop band, followed by authentic Christian community at a church in Watford while she worked for the BBC as a young adult. These experiences enlivened and deepened her faith so it would withstand life’s inevitable turmoil.

“There have been plenty of those times,” Rachel shares candidly, when asked about navigating life’s challenges, “including becoming a mum!” Rachel and Tim were married in 2004 after reconnecting at Soul Survivor church in Watford, and despite loving life and ministry, Rachel was also desperate to become a mum. “But when our little girl came along, I hadn’t fully anticipated that my whole life would be turned upside down!” 

The crystallisation of discontent

Prior to their eldest daughter being born in 2007, God had been speaking to both Rachel and Tim about ordination and church leadership – a vision that would come to fruition in years to come – but Rachel knew that she personally didn’t want to embark on ordination and motherhood at the same time. Instead, she stepped into a new ministry of being a mum, which proved more life-altering and all-encompassing than she could have imagined. 

“It was so beautiful, but I died to myself,” Rachel shares, describing how her spiritual life, vocation and even basic needs were overshadowed by the colossal demands of caring for a baby. Going to church became a logistical operation: “I could barely have a full conversation with someone (between nappy changes and feeding and everything), let alone listen to a sermon or wait on the Holy Spirit.” Rachel realised that she was spiritually drying up. “I had always met with God in church, but I knew he was telling me that it was time to find him outside of the meeting.”

I had always met with God in church, but I knew he was telling me that it was time to find him outside of the meeting

Rachel knew she had a choice: to walk in discontentment or pursue God in a new way. Choosing the latter, she began rising at five every morning, getting on the treadmill to pray and worship on her own: “We’re all different, but I focus better when I’m moving!” She met with God in a new way, in the ordinary but nonetheless profound moments of parenting, and felt moved to action. “God took me at my most disgruntled and called me to look beyond myself to care for those around me. It was like the crystallisation of discontent.”   

When chatting with other mums, it seemed to Rachel that they often sat in one of two camps: the ‘motherhood-is-so-hard-I-want-to-escape-it’ camp, or the ‘this-is-so-amazing-I can’t-acknowledge-the-hard-parts’ camp. But Rachel wanted to sit in both camps at the same time. Through her church in London, she encouraged others to do the same by investing in ministry to mums, creating a space where they could embrace both the joy and the hardship of motherhood together, with God in their midst.

Over the following years, Rachel and Tim had three more biological children, before adopting their fifth child in 2020. Rachel sees motherhood as a microcosm of the gospel call; to lay down our lives, while embracing the multitude of emotions on the journey for the sake of the kingdom. 

“And that’s the thing with the Christian life, isn’t it? That God can bring purpose and discontentment together. He’s not limited to one. We live in a culture that’s so frightened of suffering. We act like it’s the antonym to joy, but it’s not like that at all. Something can be amazing, rewarding and joy-filled and really, really hard at the same time. Motherhood was all those things for me.” 

Resistance as confirmation

Finding God in the “radical middle” of all our experiences is central to Rachel’s latest ministry. The Orchard exists to empower women to step into the diverse callings God has for them, while healing theological misunderstanding about the role of women in the Church. “There was clearly a hunger for a ministry like this,” Rachel says, reflecting on the first gathering of The Orchard at Gas Street Church, where she is a senior pastor, in February 2020. “I wasn’t expecting it to sell out immediately and then grow as it did.”  

Something can be amazing, rewarding and joy-filled and really, really hard at the same time

In fact, Rachel had been somewhat resistant to the whole idea in the first place. “I love being in spaces with both men and women,” she shares. “I wasn’t looking to start a women-only ministry.” But both Rachel and her sister (and co-founder), Amy, felt the call simultaneously: “Gather the women,” God had said to them both. “The call was compelling, and funnily enough, I took the resistance that I felt as confirmation that I needed to respond. I knew that starting the ministry would be an act of obedience, not a response to my ego.”

Now gathering over 3,000 women at annual conferences in two locations, The Orchard provides a space for God to move, inspire and encourage women in all the seasons of life they move through. “You might be mopping up the bodily fluids of your children in anonymity at this point, and in the next season leading a company, writing a book, standing on a stage or setting up a business. There is a radical middle, where every age and stage of womanhood has value in God’s kingdom.” Rachel lives and breathes this value – embracing every phase of life in tandem with God’s Spirit.