Learning to love ourselves and others

Red roses, flying cupid motifs and chocolates evoke romance

in this last month of winter. In today’s world, Valentine’s Day and traditional gestures are often considered twee, overshadowed by an artificial swipe culture, which makes it easier than ever to connect – though paradoxically prevents true connection. However, what truly matters is the openness and warmth we share in our relationships. The little things, like gifting flowers or preparing a heartfelt meal, nourish our relationships and convey our love. These actions, steeped in care, can strengthen the bonds we cherish. 

What is [romantic] love? It can mean different things to different people, but to me it’s a powerful force, an all-encompassing energy that transcends our understanding. It’s a beautiful intertwining of hearts and souls, where two individuals forge a deep connection that remains untouched by physical distance or the passage of time. Love is a precious gift from God, reminding us of the beauty and strength that are innate in all our lives.

Love is very much intertwined with time, requiring our patience and effort to flourish. There are a few primary forms of love: self-love, unconditional love and conditional love.

Self-love is often misunderstood; it’s important to recognise that it is not selfishness. Instead, self-love is about acknowledging and embracing the truth that we are all created in the image of God. Just as God loves each of us unconditionally, self-love is a beautiful gift that arises when we accept our inherent worth. It’s a gentle reminder that we deserve compassion and kindness, both from ourselves and others. 

Unconditional love is profound and knows no bounds. It’s selfless and imitable, demonstrated by Jesus laying down his life for us. Conditional love, in contrast, has a shelf life. Expectations, resentment and control define it; a kind of bargaining takes place when love is conditional. At its core is dysfunction, which leads to hurt.

The good news is that unconditional love stems from recognising the divinity within us all – a love that God has graced us with. Oftentimes – and I know this is easier said than done – it’s about accepting that we are deserving of love, for this is our birthright. Love knows no bounds and is an everlasting spring. The term Jesus chose for love is the active form of agapé, and he invites us to love one another as he loves us. 

We are called to express selfless, sacrificial and unconditional love toward one another. Let us strive to be recognised by the depth of our compassion and the warmth of our connections, reflecting the love Jesus has shown us. The desire for material wealth and perceived grandeur shrinks into the shadows when love seeks to bring light and peace – and it is this kind of love that we are called to walk in.

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, we find a clear and profound explanation of love: ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with

the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.’

This deeply comforting passage fills me with hope, and I hope it does you, too! Valentine’s Day may not be for everyone, but the good news is that love is, and, better still, it’s God-given and endlessly rewarding. Here’s to the happiness and love that we all deserve.

Oh King of kings, almighty Father,

Quell our thirst for all that is not love.

May your true love permeate our souls,

So that acts of kindness and compassion become sustainable choices rather than rare occurrences.

May we embody your strength,

dignity and beauty

That when we find ourselves in loneliness, 

your light may lead us towards

self-acceptance and peace.

God, our Father, may you work miracles

through us and in us.

Lord, grant mercy on us all, now and forever.

Amen.