GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: I did everything the right way but ended up with nothing. I feel so let down by God

In our fortnightly column ‘Great Sexpectations’ we answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us an email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything. Here, we answer a lady whose painful circumstances have caused her to question God’s goodness

Dear Woman Alive

I feel really angry at God and I don’t know how to move on. I gave my life to him when I was about five years old. I felt really convicted about purity as a teenager so I kept myself to myself and despite interest from boys at my school, I ignored them. I met my husband at youth camp when we were 17 and we hung out but only in groups and didn’t even kiss until we got married at 19. I’m now 38 and feeling resentful about everything. My husband turned out to be abusive and gambled away all our money and eventually our home. The church we went to was completely on his side and said I couldn’t file for divorce but had to stay and be a good “helper” as his wife. We’ve lived in and out of hostels and staying with family while I’ve worked hard to get us back into our own place. On top of that, we struggled with sexual intimacy for the first few years and we’ve never been able to have children. I haven’t been pregnant once and we’ve been married for 20 years. I’m so sad and feel let down by God. Didn’t I do everything the right way?