GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: I am scared of childbirth, but want children - what can I do?

In our fortnightly column ‘Great Sexpectations’ we answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us an email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything. Here, we answer a lady who has tokophobia.

Dear Woman Alive,

I have been married to my husband for nearly three years. We are both in our early thirties, and would like children, however the thought of giving birth terrifies me. We are not using contraception at the moment, and it makes me anxious around having sex, in case I end up pregnant. I know this is strange, as I do want children, it’s just the process of giving birth makes me scared. It could be because I have read and heard of stories of people who are traumatised by the births of their children. What shall I do? I have told my husband, and he is understanding, but thinks we just need to push through and it will be fine when it eventually happens. I haven’t really prayed about it, and know I should.

Dear Reader,

First of all, let me assure you, you are not alone. Being disproportionally afraid of childbirth is potentially more common then you would realise, it even has a name – tokophobia. In 2022 we interviewed Ali Lawrence who suffered with the same phobia here. She went on to have two children by caesarean section.