Not all Christians are emotionally healthy

Let’s be honest, some of the most committed Christians you know might also be the most emotionally reactive, avoidant, or exhausted. Loving Jesus doesn’t automatically heal your emotional wounds or teach you how to live with healthy boundaries. As my childhood pastor used to say, “If you’re a grumpy person and you become a Christian, you’re just going to be a grumpy Christian.”

Too many Christians live fractured, compartmentalised lives. We say yes when we want to say no. We divide life into “holy” (ministry, prayer, service) and “ordinary” (work, fun, rest), as if God doesn’t care deeply about both. We try to be everything for everyone, hide our weaknesses, and then wonder why we feel burnt out, disconnected, or numb.

Yes, we’re called to die to sin — but many of us end up dying to the wrong things

Yes, we’re called to die to sin but many of us end up dying to the wrong things including laughter, rest, joy, vulnerability. In doing so, we confuse busyness with depth, and performance with worth. We lose touch with ourselves and with God.

READ MORE: Worried you get too emotional? Well, Jesus got emotional too

Here’s the truth: God is not afraid of your darker emotions. He doesn’t flinch when you bring him your frustration, sadness, grief, or even your addiction to Temu or prawn cocktail crisps. Emotional honesty isn’t unspiritual — it’s sacred. It’s often where real growth begins.

Sometimes we prioritise doing for God over simply being with him. 

Sometimes we prioritise doing for God over simply being with him. But our worth is not found in productivity or perfection, it’s found in presence. Even King Saul, though anointed, let the world define his value. He craved the approval of people, more than intimacy with God, and it unravelled him. We risk the same when we build our lives around fear, image, or insecurity.

READ MORE: You can have an ungodly soul tie with the person you refuse to forgive

In today’s world, image often outweighs integrity. The rise of the performative self is real. We curate our lives to seem put-together while hiding behind a mask. But Colossians 3:9 reminds us: “Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices.” To live emotionally whole lives, we must be willing to let go of those masks.

READ MORE: Who are you? Do you know your true identity?

Quick Self-Check:

1. Do you avoid hard emotions? 
   If your default response is “I just need more faith” or “At least I should be grateful” every time sadness, anger or grief appears, you might be skipping over healing that God wants to bring through those feelings.

2. Do you over-function for others? 
   If you’re constantly helping, fixing, and serving but feel bitter or worn out, that’s not Christlike selflessness — that’s a boundary issue.

3. Are your relationships deep and safe or strained and shallow? 
   Emotionally unhealthy Christians tend to avoid conflict, struggle to receive feedback, and find empathy draining. Closer relationships are characterised by honesty and vulnerability.

4. Are you chasing popularity, body goals, or external approval? 
   These idols can exhaust us. No amount of likes or compliments can sustain your soul.

So What’s the Solution?

Christian authors like Pete Scazzero speak of a slowed-down spirituality — a rhythm of life in which being with God is what fuels our doing for him. This isn’t a luxury. It’s essential. Think about Elijah, Moses, John the Baptist — all had extended wilderness seasons. Jesus regularly withdrew to lonely places to pray. Mother Teresa and Desmond Tutu reportedly spent at least three hours a day in prayer. Their outer lives were anchored in their inner lives. This is what theologians call a theology of limits. It’s the belief that we are not God — and that’s a good thing. We have limits. Embracing them is holy. It takes courage not to chase every opportunity, to say no, to rest, and to let God shape your identity instead of your achievements.

As someone who feels deeply, I have at times found the world to be simply far too overwhelming! I have avoided the news like the plague and focused instead on all the happy things I can think of. My counsellor, however, challenged me to sit with difficult emotions for at least five minutes. I have been opened up to making space for emotions like disappointment and sadness instead of side stepping them.

Try This:

• Feel your feelings. Ask: “What am I feeling right now?” Let God meet you there. You could journal it, or simply whisper: “Lord, I feel sad about this.”

• Practice silence. Try two minutes of stillness in the morning. Pause again midday. God is in the quiet.

• Reflect on your past. How did your family express (or suppress) emotions? That legacy still impacts you today. Invite a trusted friend into that reflection.

• Ask for feedback. We grow in the context of safe community. Vulnerability with the right people is powerful.

You can lead worship, know the Bible by heart, even lead a small group and still not know how to say, “I feel overwhelmed.” But emotional health isn’t optional. It’s a vital part of spiritual maturity and Christlikeness. Vulnerability brings what’s hidden into the light, making it less scary and less likely to control you. It also fosters deep connection. You’re probably more drawn to people who can admit their weaknesses than those who pretend to have it all together.

Jesus didn’t come to make you efficient.  He came to make you whole.