GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: Fourteen years after marrying as a virgin, I have never had an orgasm

In our fortnightly column ‘Great Sexpectations’ we answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us an email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything. Here, nurse and psychosexual therapist Emma Waring answers someone who needs help with sexual intimacy with her husband.

Dear Woman Alive Panel,

My husband and I have been married for 14 years.  I am in my late 40s and my husband is in his early 50s. We didn’t live together before getting married and we both strongly believe that sex is a gift from God to be shared within marriage, so we were both virgins when we slept together for the first time on our wedding night.

I didn’t expect fireworks to begin with, I was just happy to finally be able to enjoy this highest level of physical intimacy together.

My frustration is that 14 years into marriage and I have never experienced an orgasm. I know that it’s best to focus just on enjoying being together rather than on the ‘big O’ (!) as it’s far more likely to happen if I don’t make that my sole focus.

My husband isn’t particularly into sex and he doesn’t really miss it, partly because for much of the time he is exhausted. I have chronic mental health problems and my husband is my full-time carer, so it isn’t easy either switching from carer and cared for to husband and wife.  I’m immensely grateful for all my husband does for me practically day in day out and I don’t want sex to be another chore on his ‘to do’ list.