​ Is the Church pressuring women to marry too young? Why we need to rethink the timeline

Marriage is designed to be a lifelong covenant between a husband, wife and God. However, there can sometimes be societal pressure to marry young, particularly for women in the Church.

Historically, women have often married at a younger age, but this has frequently been shaped by patriarchal systems and economic or social necessity rather than, I believe, God’s best. God’s design for marriage is rooted in love, mutual commitment and glorifying him through that partnership. Although we now live in an era where many women marry later in life, the pressure for women to marry by a certain age - especially within some church communities - still exists.

A recent social media trend has seen content creators filming spoof trailers as though Netflix were making a documentary about a defining moment in their lives. Some Christian women have joined the trend to reflect on marriages that ended in divorce after they married young.

READ MORE: I thought divorce would destroy my faith. Instead, it taught me what courage really looks like

Beauty influencer Patricia Bright, who married at 25, recently shared that she had divorced her husband, titling her video: “Me about to do a documentary with Netflix about the young marriage to divorce pipeline.” Another influencer, Chanel Boateng, who married at 26, captioned hers: “Me ready for my Netflix doc: Surviving Marriage to a Nigerian Pastor.”

Both women were open about their marriages while they were in them. In her YouTube series, Chanel bravely shares the domestic abuse she experienced and admits she married too quickly.

In an interview with Cocktails and Takeaways, Patricia explained that she and her ex-husband simply grew apart, adding that marrying young had contributed to that.

READ MORE: This is what Jesus said about marriage and divorce

I’ve also witnessed this pressure first-hand. During my time at university, I attended a church where members were strongly encouraged to marry young, with many couples tying the knot before they had even graduated.

Now, I want to be clear: this article is not a criticism of young marriages.

Now, I want to be clear: this article is not a criticism of young marriages. Some people marry young and flourish - and praise God for that. Rather, I believe the Church should be cautious about creating an expectation that women ought to marry young. However well-intentioned, this approach can unintentionally diminish the significance of marriage, reducing it to a milestone to tick off rather than the lifelong, God-honouring covenant it is meant to be.

It can also lead some young women to rush into relationships that ultimately become unhealthy, deeply compromising or even dangerous because they haven’t taken sufficient time to discern whether they have chosen the right partner.

READ MORE: Moving on from divorce as a Christian woman

The Westminster Catechism states that the chief end of humanity is “to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever”. Your relationship status has no bearing on whether you can fulfil that calling. I believe God is far more concerned with someone marrying the right person than marrying quickly. Scripture also warns us about entering relationships without wisdom. For example, 2 Corinthians 6:14 cautions believers against being unequally yoked.

Some concerns about women marrying later undoubtedly come from a place of genuine care, particularly regarding fertility and the biological realities of having children. But today there are more options available, like adoption and egg freezing. We also see examples throughout Scripture of women giving birth later in life, including Sarah and Elizabeth. These were miraculous circumstances, but if it is God’s will for someone to become a mother later in life, who are we to dismiss that possibility?

Ultimately, when encouraging women about marriage, our first concern should be God’s will for their lives. 

Ultimately, when encouraging women about marriage, our first concern should be God’s will for their lives. Some women are called to lifelong singleness, others marry young and others later in life. God’s timing is ultimately what matters. While women should be aware of the realities of marrying or having children later, that conversation should empower them to make informed, prayerful decisions rather than rushed ones driven by fear or cultural expectations. There is an important difference between offering wise guidance and creating pressure that can leave women feeling they must enter a covenant before they are ready.

Marriage should glorify God and reflect Christ’s sacrificial, unconditional love for his Church. But like many of life’s biggest decisions, if it is rushed it can become deeply compromising, or even turn into an idolised version of what a godly marriage is meant to be. To all the single women navigating this season of life, my encouragement is simple: prioritise seeking God above everything else. Stay present, listen to his voice and don’t become consumed by your own expectations or the opinions of others about your relationship status. The future is ultimately in God’s hands.

As Proverbs 16:9 reminds us: “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” Likewise, Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us: “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”