Writer Alex Palmer shares how a God-given dream sparked a decades-long journey to write Charlotte’s Candle, a novel born from personal grief and faith. Through setbacks, illness, and perseverance, Alex shows how God’s timing and grace can turn pain into purpose.
Have you ever had something placed on your heart in such a dramatic way you know it could have only been from God? That happened to me via a dream in July 1996.
It occurred at the end of an outdoor adventure week organised by Rotary called RYLA. Before that week, aged twenty-two, I already knew I wanted to write something about childhood bereavement. This was due to the death of my mum in September 1985, when I was 11 years old. At a time when there was no support for children to help them through their loss. As a result, I experienced delayed grief which had a massive impact on my education. When I took my A Level Communications, I wrote a leaflet about bereavement for children and this started the inner healing I needed and developed my understanding of how grief impacts children.
I wanted to write a fiction book to help adults explore not only their own grief but understand the life long impact on children when a parent dies
During the week at RYLA, I’d made the decision I wanted to write a fiction book to help adults explore not only their own grief but understand the life long impact on children when a parent dies combined with ways to support them. The night I had my dream, as I drifted off to sleep, I saw my main character, heard her name, Charlotte Brundle and the title of my book - Charlotte’s Candle. That night, I dreamt about the storyline, main and subplots, other characters and the sequence of chapters.
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It took me from 1996 to 2006 to write my first draft as I needed to find and develop my writing voice. In 2007, my then vicar, David White, read my book and said I could be onto something and gave some great advice. However, in 2009 I was no longer able to write due to the extreme pain I was in. The pain started in 2005 but I didn’t get my diagnosis of endometriosis until 2015. My book lay dormant for ten years but God didn’t waste that time. My knowledge of the Bible grew as I attended every New Wine Festival between 2004 and 2019. Combine this with great teaching in my home church, this enabled my book to explore where God is when we grieve along with the underlying message of there is always hope.
READ MORE: Why I believe women’s fiction is an important tool to share the gospel
In March 2019, I saw David White. David looked at me and said, “It’s time Alex.” Straight away, I knew what he meant but I wasn’t ready to go back to my book.
Eight months later, I was at Jesus’ baptism site in Jordan and I felt God say it was time.
Eight months later, I was at Jesus’ baptism site in Jordan and I felt God say it was time. Immediately, I disagreed. As I travelled through Jordan, I had a one sided argument with God about not completing my book as I’m a teacher and I wouldn’t have time. When I arrived at the Red Sea, the song, No longer Slaves came on my room mate’s phone. God laid on my heart - I gave Moses a stick, what’s in your hand? I thought darn it! I knew then I had to return to my book. But, why was I so reluctant to do so? I now understand with every dream God gives you, it will come at some sort of cost (mine was emotional) and there will also be challenges. However, those challenges will always serve a purpose. My challenge of living with endometriosis deepened my understanding of grief and trauma and I was able to use this in my book.
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I persevered and in February 2024, I had a significant birthday where God started to nudge me to self publish my book. It was scary stepping into something I knew so little about. Yet, with every step I took, God pointed the way and provided the things I needed.
Exactly twenty-eight years after I had my dream, I published my book on Amazon. I’ve learnt its not how you start but how you finish. Do you complete what God has laid on your heart to do or walk away from it? God’s grace, love and mercy can take the worst moments of your life and, if you let God go ahead of you, change the ashes into something beautiful. Which, in turn, can stretch out and help others.
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