Our children were born to heroin addicts

I’m motherly by nature, and the desire to have a child of my own was always deep and pervasive; I identified as being a mum long before I became one. But in the early years of our marriage I miscarried 14 times and had three failed rounds of IVF. We held on to hope, but the whole experience was utterly devastating and heartbreaking for both of us. It was always at ten weeks that I would start to bleed. It seemed that I was unable to carry a pregnancy longer than this, but doctors couldn’t identify why. 

We prayed a lot through that season. Clinging to God, but also wrestling with so much. I knew God heard me and loved me, but I felt so forgotten. I knew these experiences weren’t because of anything I had done – I wasn’t being punished – but it felt so brutal at times.