Diane Kershaw reflects on the unexpected twists and challenges that shaped her career through midlife and menopause. From hot flushes and health scares to difficult interviews and new opportunities, she shares how she saw God’s faithfulness at work throughout it all.
As someone who is definitely beyond the menopause now, I am increasingly perturbed by the comments in the mainstream and social media on perimenopause/menopause. I feel there’s a danger that this is just one more reason not to trust women’s judgement and abilities in life and in the workplace. At times, it doesn’t feel far from the Victorian view of ‘hysterical’ women. So let me just share a glimpse into my story.
A huge change took place for me a few months before my fortieth birthday. My family (husband and three children, aged 13, 11 and 6) had been experiencing a dark and challenging time when I saw an advert for a deputy headship at a Christian boarding school in the West Country.
My husband had already stepped back from a headship and, after prayer and support from church friends, we agreed that I should apply. And that is how midlife started for me – a completely new chapter, a move to a town we’d never heard of, at the opposite end of the country – but relying on God’s promises: ‘You will hear a voice behind you saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”’ (Isaiah 30:21) and ‘I will restore to you the years the locusts have eaten.’ (Joel 2:25)
READ MORE: Menopause - a whole-body experience
We saw God’s hand in the provision of a home at a peppercorn rent, a job for my husband in a local school, and so the new chapter began!
We saw God’s hand in the provision of a home at a peppercorn rent, a job for my husband in a local school, and so the new chapter began! I came to terms with the legacy of my saintly predecessor, who seemingly was loved by all, was on top of everything and had instant recall of every request by her colleagues! Looking back, I wonder if I was in the perimenopause phase, though I’m not sure the label existed then. I shall just record that in response to my repeated reminders that I needed colleagues to pop their requests on my desk in writing, I was presented with a large block of Post-it notes on my birthday! It was hard at times, with a very full-time job, three children and a home to organise, but my husband and I were very much a team. With the support of the Headteacher, I also managed to study for and complete a Masters degree in the Management of Secondary Schools, which set me up to apply for my next career move to a headship. It was around this time that the hot flushes set in with a vengeance. Not ideal when facing a class of teenagers. The solutions were layers of clothing in natural fibres and HRT.
In my forties, I had many interviews, often feeling I was the token woman, and including one where I was asked how I would manage the job by myself when the outgoing head’s wife had clearly done a huge amount of unpaid work.
READ MORE: Understanding the menopause
At times I really doubted God’s calling, but felt I did have more to give.
At times I really doubted God’s calling, but felt I did have more to give. Finally, I was appointed to the Headship of a small boarding school near Bristol, but within a couple of years discovered breast lumps which needed investigation. The best Christmas Eve I have ever had was that year when my clear biopsy results came through. But I was advised to stop HRT, and that meant sudden menopause again.
When the school closed, I was 53, still menopausal and wondering what next! Was I even employable?
Seeing a post in the county council’s education department, I applied and got an interview and this is when I really saw God’s intervention. I left home in plenty of time, but along the way the road was closed by a traffic accident. I rang them to say I’d most likely be late. The diversion was then blocked too, so I rang again saying I’d be really late. As I eventually arrived, I declined their offer of a break and said I was fine to just get started. However, I then had to ask what they wanted from the task as I’d never heard of a ‘Note in lieu’ and also found I was unable to answer some of the interview questions as well. I’m sure you can imagine how I rated my chances. But I had a call that evening to offer me the job, as they had decided that anyone who could be so calm under pressure would cope with the stresses of the job, I think the word ‘bombproof’ might have been used! I knew of course that God had made a way.
READ MORE: I have learnt to consider the challenges of menopause through the unique perspective of faith
It wasn’t easy because by now I was having unpredictable, impossibly heavy periods from time to time, and on one occasion had to challenge a male manager who accused me of ‘pulling a sickie’. But I built up a reputation for tenacity and integrity which led to my final career opportunity in Education management, leading a team of 80, based in 8 teaching bases across the County and surviving eight OFSTED inspections in one year, but that’s another story.
When the periods finally petered out, I can’t say I gave it much thought! I had expected the weight I’d gained to magically melt away but discovered that, post menopause, my metabolism had really slowed down. I embraced being a couple of sizes bigger for a while and once I’d retired, found enough focus to take on healthy eating and exercise - losing three stones and feeling much better for it.
I can only affirm that God is good and ALL our times are in his hands.
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