In our fortnightly column ‘Real Talk’ we answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us an email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything.
Dear Woman Alive
I watched a film recently where a character said, ‘Religion is making me lose my faith’. And I feel the same way. I’ve been in church for years and have served and given faithfully but recently I’ve felt really disconnected and kind of over it.
Dear Reader,
Thank you for your honesty. I suspect many people reading your letter will recognise something of themselves in it.
The phrase “Religion is making me lose my faith” sounds shocking at first, but throughout history many sincere believers have reached a point where the structures, expectations and routines surrounding faith have begun to feel exhausting rather than life-giving. Sometimes what we are actually losing faith in is not God, but the way we have experienced church, ministry or religious culture.
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It’s worth remembering that Jesus’ strongest criticisms were often directed not at people struggling to believe, but at religious systems that had become burdensome. He invited weary people to come to him and find rest (Matthew 11:28), suggesting that faith in him should ultimately bring freedom rather than relentless pressure.
You mention serving and giving faithfully for years, could it be that you are simply tired?
You mention serving and giving faithfully for years, could it be that you are simply tired? Spiritual burnout is real. When we’ve spent a long time meeting others’ needs, attending programmes and carrying responsibilities, we can find ourselves running on empty. Sometimes the most spiritual thing we can do is step back for a season and allow God to minister to us instead of always being the one ministering to others.
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I wonder what would happen if, for a while, you stripped faith back to its essentials. Put aside what you think you “should” be doing and focus on simple connection with God. Take a walk and talk to him honestly. Read a Gospel slowly, listen to worship music or just sit in silence. Tell God exactly how disconnected and disappointed you feel. He is not threatened by your honesty.
It may also help to distinguish between God and his people. Churches are wonderful communities, but they are made up of imperfect humans who sometimes disappoint, wound or exhaust us. If your frustration is partly with church life, acknowledge that rather than feeling guilty about it.
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Finally, don’t panic. A season of questioning or weariness does not mean your faith is dying. In fact, many Christians discover that periods of disillusionment lead to a deeper, more authentic relationship with God. What feels like losing faith may actually be God gently inviting you beyond habit and obligation into something more real.
Be kind to yourself. Stay connected to a few trusted Christians if you can, and keep talking to God, even if all you can say is, “Lord, I’m struggling.” He is remarkably good at meeting people there.
If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.
Our Real Talk column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel. The views expressed do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. If you have a question for us, email: womanalive@premier.org.uk
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