Jesus and health anxiety

After a three week-long headache, in 2020, I was admitted to hospital and diagnosed with vestibular nervous system disorder. I could use an array of words to describe what this condition means to me; debilitating, exhausting, constant, to name a few. The incapacitating attacks and randomness of symptoms, further complicates this already difficult illness.

When I got my diagnosis, I felt deflated, I was already worn down by my body. Just a few months before, I had undergone gynaecological surgery, which had its own issues, and I was starting treatment for an abdominal condition. A friend of mine joked that I needed “re-building,” and truth be told, I thought she was right. I was constantly questioning God, I wanted him to cut me some slack, it was one diagnosis, after another.

I saw a gold medal engraved with the words ‘Jesus always wins.’

I had to have an MRI to help diagnose what was wrong, and this was a different battle. I’m claustrophobic, so it was very hard, but during the scan, I had a prophetic picture. I saw a gold medal engraved with the words ‘Jesus always wins.’  This encounter gave me the confidence I needed, to push past the fear, I had a wave of recovery energy and I was focused on getting well.

READ MORE: Looking after your emotional health as a mother

My clinic appointments however, caused a set back, just when I thought I was improving, I would be summoned back to the hospital. I remember one appointment especially well, the week prior, I’d had crippling stomach pain. My grandmother had mentioned how her sister suffered from something she called ‘abdominal migraines’. I decided to query my family history but got dismissed, the neurologist argued that it’s a paediatric disorder.

Fast forward to 2022; it was a challenging year, I was dealing with grief, and I’d moved into a Christian shared house with strangers, too much change had trigged an attack like no other. I remember being curled up in bed at my parents’ house the previous day. Mum drove us to the beach, we thought the sea air would be medicinal, instead, it left me with a night of vomiting - I looked to Psalm 4:8 for some peace: ‘In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.’

READ MORE: God led me on a healing journey from dysfunction into freedom

During this attack, God reminded me of the blessing he bestowed, in my family and friends. Although I’m stubborn, I’ve learnt that emotional or physical help is okay. With chronic illness you learn to lean on the valuable help of others. In a way, this has become symbolic of my medical journey, I now understand my bodies capabilities.

I’ve also come to rely on periodic prayers for healing. 

I’ve also come to rely on periodic prayers for healing. I used to think once was enough, I would be cured, but I recognise that when God is not healing, he’s touching with his peace, his comfort and his presence. Praying this way has fostered a deeper connection with God. Having this reflective time allowed me to develop the virtues of patience, and perseverance.

READ MORE: Research confirms fifty percent of women feel their medical needs have been ignored because of their gender. Can faith play a part in the healing?

March 2025 was another difficult time, it was the worst attack I had experienced for a while. Between the feeling of electrocution to my burning senses, I felt awful. It was a month before I could work or even stand without wobbling. During a clinical evaluation, I had a blood test that indicated hypothyroidism. When giving me the results, the doctor said the thyroxine tablets could control migraine frequency. I almost laughed! I was praying for help and healing for the migraines, and ended up on tablets for a different condition, that are able to control them. God’s help can sometimes come in ways that are incomprehensible, and might seem a bit laughable or odd to us!

In May, Loose Women broadcast an episode that left me flabbergasted. Actress, Denise Welch was sharing a health update, to my surprise her story involved ‘non-headache migraine.’ Like me, Welch was a “stomach person,” who was never prone to headaches, but her outlook changed when a LA neurologists told her about abdominal migraine. As the discussion continued, fellow loose woman, Coleen Nolan mentioned her nieces diagnoses and successful treatment of abdominal migraine. I couldn’t believe what I’d heard. I felt vindicated, a sense of hope washed over me.

According to Neurology Live, women are three times more likely to be diagnosed with a type of migraine, and are disproportionately, more affected by functional neurological disorders. While research is ongoing, it is historically underfunded, once again it would seem medical misogyny has reared its ugly head. I’ve made the decision to continue taking my medication and seeing doctors, when necessary, but my comfort resides with God, not the NHS.