‘I’m Christian, single and frightened. Don’t judge me’

Call me a drama queen, but on a semi-regular basis I find myself declaring a slightly amended version of Charlotte Lucas’ meme-worthy words* to a caring – and typically coupled-up – confidante: ‘I’m 28 years old. I’ve no prospects. I’m already a burden to my parents. And I’m frightened. So don’t judge me. Don’t you dare judge me.’

If I’m honest, hectic hormones and postponed plans have usually provoked such an outburst, but the fears and anxieties are very much real.

READ MORE: Gen Z Christian women want to date like Jane Austen’s characters

Rewind to the noughties, I had no doubt that my picture-perfect love story would have reached its happy ending by now, feat. my very own Mr Darcy and iconic foot pops à la Princess Diaries. This innocent assumption was compounded by swathes of friends sporting solitaire rings before graduation, swiftly followed by flurries of other friends getting married in the summers that followed. No wonder, really, because, according to an Evangelical Alliance report, the mean age for women to get married in the church is well below the national average at just 24.

I know I’m not alone. Perhaps you, reader, are one of the other singles who is frightened about what the future holds.

I know I’m not alone. Perhaps you, reader, are one of the other singles who is frightened about what the future holds. Or maybe you’re one of the aforementioned coupled-up confidantes lost for words when your single friend has yet another meltdown. Whichever category you fall into, here are a few of my recent musings on this high-stakes and hotly-contested topic.

I’m a Christian; my identity is in Jesus. Sometimes, it feels like a cliché answer that’s used to escape a difficult, emotive conversation. It’s the Sunday School answer that’s hard to rebut. But it’s so true. When I feel like I’m wearing an invisibility cloak in the company of single guys or have been hurt by rejection, I try to remind myself that I’m fully loved and fully known by the creator of the universe. He doesn’t look at me and see singleness, but rather a dear child made in his beautiful image.

READ MORE: A Bridgerton style debutante ball has just taken place in Paris. Is this something Christians could embrace for matchmaking purposes?

I’m single. Slowly – very slowly – I’m learning to own my relationship status, reminding myself that singleness isn’t a waiting room for marriage.

I’m single. Slowly – very slowly – I’m learning to own my relationship status, reminding myself that singleness isn’t a waiting room for marriage. In fact, it may be that singleness is what the Lord has ordained for the rest of my life here on earth. And so, instead of always dreaming of how much easier life would be if I was married, I’m starting to open up conversations with my married friends about how they can help me thrive in my singleness. From park trips with my gorgeous godchildren to being included in conversations about the hard parts of marriage and arranging to arrive at parties or weddings with married friends, these small things make a huge difference. I’m starting to find singleness ever-so-slightly easier and recognise the ways in which it is different, but not necessarily worse than, marriage.

READ MORE: Taylor Swift’s religious lyrics prove Mr Bennet right

I’m frightened. Being single is hard – financially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. And sometimes, I worry about what it will be like to be an octogenarian single who’s not got children to help move boxes, arrange bank transfers, and get to hospital appointments. But however hard it is, deep down I know that the Lord has got my future in his hands. He’s written every chapter of my story. No detail takes him by surprise, but rather is a way in which he’s shaping me more into his likeness and advancing his kingdom. And so, each day I remind myself that God has already written my love story – of which he is the beginning and the end.

Don’t judge me or other singles. Singleness isn’t a value-judgement on personality, looks, or spiritual maturity. And so, refrain from suggesting that you’ve got the solution to finding a spouse. It’s honestly the most hurtful conversation – and it’s one that I often feel like is on repeat. Just have a normal conversation about your favourite recipe, what you’re watching on TV, or – if you’re really desperate – about the weather.

So let’s try again - I’m 28 years old. I’m a joy-bringing, empathetic, and creative daughter of the king. Sometimes, I worry about the future. But deep down, I trust in Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith.

Not meme-worthy, but then again I’m no Emma Thompson.

*Shout out to Emma Thompson for putting these iconic and oh-so relatable words to the 2005 film adaptation of Pride and Prejudice.